Friday, December 14, 2007

Media Exaggerate? No Way

Listening to talk radio today I heard that Barbara Walters criticized the Bush white house for the heavy religious content in the Christmas card she received from them. My eyes rolled and then-I had this thought and that. But before the topic passed and was replaced by things of import I made a vague mental note to check the news online and see what the rumpus is all about. Well folks I went to a hand full of sites that Google gave me and they all said things like 'Barbara attacks Bushes' 'Barbara lashes out' 'Barbara outraged'. I almost thought that this story might be 100 miles away from being actual news. And then...I found a site which carried the video of the VIEW episode where she supposedly lashed out. Barbara read, or should I say name dropped a list of hifalutin cards she got from hifalutin celebripricks. She maybe gave the Bush Christmas card oh, 35 seconds and only mentioned that it was the most religious white house card she'd ever received. And...ah...well...that's it. That's all of it. There was nothing more. By second 36 she was onto Elton John's card. Talk radio blew it up. Written press blew it up and on and on.
The media needs to stop giving us non-news. They need a forum where they can just spew their nonsense where it won't bother anybody...Like a blog or something.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Queer Eye For The Black Guy

Ah yes I remember it well. It was 1982 and I was in the 10th grade. I was waiting for the bus with a dozen other people of all walks of life. And each of us was minding his or her own business. A bright ball of misshapen color caught the corner of my eye. Across the street was a very tall man. He went about 6 ft. 2 inches tall with long black pig tailed hair. A red and white bandanna kept the locks at bay. He wore a multicolored vest over a bright orange long sleeve number. The clash didn't end there. A shocking blue sash held up puffy pants; the kind you see in modern day cirque du soleil. Said pants were brightly pinstriped. I've forgotten the color. But what I'll never forget was the painfully bright multi polka dotted leg warmers. The only thing brighter than his get up was his smile and this was from across a four lane street. I thought,"Hmm that's a bit much but to each their own."
And then...he crossed the street. Not like you or I would cross-he skipped the happy skip of a way too happy gentle-man. Can you guess where this is going? That's right the happy gangly lad skipped right up to me...who was as I said minding his own business.
"Allo, bonjour," he says. "I am Jean Paul and I cherche you."
For those in the dark here. 'Cherche' is French for-to look for or seek out.
He went on to say that he was an artiste!!!!!!!! "And I would very much that you come to my maison (house) so that you I can draw!"
I wanted to sock him in his Pippy Longstalking face for embarrassing me. Remember I was only 15 or 16 for dang sakes and being cool in front of strangers was priority number one.
"Look Pippy or Paul-"
"Jean Paul."
"Whatever. I'm not that guy. I'm not going anywhere except on my bus and-"
"Ah, no mon amie. Come avec moi. You are so athletic.I must draw you tout suite."
This was one time where flattery was gettin' this French bird nowhere.
"No way. Look Pippy, take your leg warmers and skip on down the road. I'm a kid for chrissake. Draw someone your own age."
"Please, just one hour, that is to say 60 minutes."
"What? Get outta here Pippy. Beat it."
Well, Jean Paul dropped his head and bottom lip and slumped away-this time with no skip in his step. I would have felt bad if 11 of the 12 people at the bus stop weren't giggling at me. And if Pippy wasn't borderline pedophilic in nature. But oh well nobody got hurt I suppose. I don't know what happened to old Pippy and quite frankly I couldn't care less but he did make it to this blog anyway. Ah, c'est la vie I suppose c'est la vie.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Celebrity News Y'all

Canadian actor Kiefer Sutherland of action television show 24 is headed for the hoosegow. Originally a hoosegow was a panel of judges but around about 1911 slang did what slang does and the term came to mean; jail. But I digress. Kiefer's going in for 48 days thanks to driving under the influence of a whole-lotta booze. If you do the easy math you'll realize that he'll be in lock down in a cozy 10x8 for Christmas, New Years and apparently his birthday. Boy is he going to get smashed when he gets out! Whooie doggie! The 48 days is courtesy of 30 days for the infraction and 18 more sun-ups for probation violation. (Incidentally 'probation violation' would make a great name for a heavy metal rock band). Hang in there Kiefer and just remember that your fans love you, the writer's are on strike so you're not missing any work and when you get out and celebrate holiday's and special occasions missed; hire a driver dummy!