Thursday, April 30, 2009

Celebrities N' Me

The story that follows is true. It was 1994. Five or Six other musicians, dudes, crammed into my bachelor suite for beers on a Friday night. We were broke music school students with nary an interested chick in any one of us. To summarize; we were losers. It was 1:45 in the morning and we had six beers remaining in the ice box. Two blocks away 7-11 sold beer until 2 am. I was going on a beer run. The knucklheads tried to convince me that each would only have one more beer each. Morons! As if anybody can truly stick to such a ridiculous proclamation during the heat of rockin'. I was going with or without em'. They all accompanied.

In the 7-11 parking lot I spied a girl who looked incredibly familiar. She glared at me as if I was staring. Fair enough, I thought, for I was staring. But when she cast her scornful look it was then that I knew her to be Drew Barrymore. I was and still am of fan of Drew. A young dude was in the car with her, and their conversation looked intense. Being three sheets to the wind, half cut and semi pie eyed I approached the car gracelessly and began calling...o.k. shouting, "Drew, baby, Drew, o.k. here's the deal, I'm gonna buy some beers and we're all going back to my place. You're in, ya gotta be. Come on Drew its you and me baby!"

She told me to go away but she laughed when she did it. Not a good move to a hammered fan such as yours truly. That laugh was a green light for this A-hole. I upped the anti and threw more pathetic pleading dialog. In a panic I noted the time and ran inside to purchase my 18 pack of beer. The other guys were on their own as far as hooch. I handed my stash to my buddy Brian and went back to Drew's ride.

She and the lad were back at the heavy dialog, which clearly needed interruption. I informed Drew that I had the beer, now all I needed was her. She wasn't bitin'-duh! By this time the dude in the passenger seat was giving me his best tough guy stare, so naturally I reached up to the roof of the car and began shaking it back and forth and shouting, "Come on Drew, its you and me doll!" Drew began frantically trying to put her key in the ignition while yelling ,"Stop!" But, and this is huge, she could not stop laughing. In fact, she was almost in tears as she kept missing the ignition. Meanwhile the cat kept eye balling me while attempting not to shake. I finally stopped and Drew fired up the car. She was still laughing as she said, "My god you are crazy! Bye!"

By this time a crowd had gathered and were laughing too. The security guards knew me from, ahem, most weekend nights and did nothing but call me loco! One month later Drew married some guy. The marriage lasted no more than a month. The guy in the car that night was not the husband. What I think we witnessed was Drew dumping the guy for the new husband.

Two months later I'm having coffee on Melsose avenue, sitting outside. Up walks Drew Barrymore and starts talking to a girl at the table beside me. I kid you not. She looks over at me three times before scrunching up her brow and says, "hi." to me.
I say, "Hiya Drew." She looks at me as if she's trying to place my face. I offer nothing as I am now sober in broad daylight. She smiled again and went back to her conversation.

I enjoyed my time with Drew as I'm sure she enjoyed her time with me. Or not. And I may not have rocked her world but I definitely rocked her car.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Torture Is In...Was It Ever Out?

Where are we at America? Do we or do we not torture? While on the campaign trail Barak spoke out not only against going into Iraq but he fired at the Bush administration's use of torture, specifically water boarding. Once in the big chair he closed Guantanamo Bay. However, he did not take rendition off the table. This is the practice of scooping up suspected terrorists, and whisking them away to a more torture tolerant land for "interrogation." This is odd because he spoke loud and clear about Habeus Corpus.

When he first walked into the Oval office he declared that he would not go after Bush, Cheney and his band of torture brigands. But then a few days later he released/declassified Bush's torture memos for all to see. Is Obama playing both sides? Nah, I think he's being slick. He's saying here's what went down America, now it's up to you or the Attorney General, or a partisan committee or congress or Joe the idiot plumber to pick this fight...and then I'll back you up. And yesterday at his 100 day speech he definitively called water boarding; torture. Slick and Shrewd.

I'm not with the President on rendition, nor am I into his declaration that the prison (name escapes me) in Afghanistan is outside of the rules of the Geneva convention. Deja Vu all over again. Didn't Bush declare that about Abu Grahib? (And everywhere else for that matter) So that's two areas where Obama and I part. Oh yeah, and you right wing wackos that believe we need to torture because the enemy televises be-headings and so on, Back up. If we sink to their level than we're no different from them. And at that point it is different to claim supremacy. Remember, that two wrongs don't make a right.

But let's be real. The CIA has been torturing since their inception. We've always denied it but kept on keepin' on. What I don't understand is that if we can put men on the moon, can watch movies through our telephones and can build weapons that can blow up a mosquito without destroying its brain, ( I made that up) then how come the smartest guys in the room can't come up with iron clad interrogation techniques that even Greenpeace could get behind? Could it be that the interrogators are of limited intellect? Or is this merely punishment and information be dammed? Me thinks both. When Japanese prisoners were captured back in the day one interrogator did some research, what a concept, and found that the prisoners Achilles heal was home sickness. So he, talked of family, the homeland, and threatened that they'd be forever be cut off from their loved ones etc. Lo and behold the prisoners sang like canaries. Know your enemies dummies.

It's time to start using your heads 'smart guys' and stop using thugs to do your bidding because they cannot handle the blood lust that creeps into their souls and into the end of the lash. Research the enemy, learn the language, study the Koran, hell, just get them drunk for shit-sake, you'd be surprised how honest a little tequila makes some fellas.

Here is what must be done. The top guys of the Bush administration, Cheney, Rummy, judges, lawyers etc. have got to fall. All of them. Then we need to get back to the rules of Geneva, the Constitution, Habeus Corpus and all of the other neat propaganda we claim to own. Or, we need to simply announce to the world that we as Americans torture if and when we see fit...End of story. But this dancing on the fence bullshit holy-er than thou double talk has got to end.