Thursday, December 11, 2008

Must We Love Dogs?

The world has gone dog gone crazy. Driving home today I saw a billboard for a movie called Hotel for Dogs, or something like that. A moment later I saw a bench ad with a puppy on it for a movie called Marley and me. And in the theaters right now is an animated movie with a Travolta voice over called, Bolt. Don't get me wrong, I dig dogs but enough already. It is understandable that Hollywood would make these films as, Los Angeles is the dog obsessed capital of the U.S. When doggie psychiatry, doggie therapy and doggie psychics came on the scene they were spawned from L.A.'s doggie loving seed. And believe me, Paris Hilton is not the first nor is she the only empty headed broad to spoil an obnoxious k-9 rat dog. Take a walk down Rodeo drive and every third supposed, high class, dame is toting an over privileged k-9 weasel dog. And most card carrying radical Peta members hang their hats...and dog collars in this city. So one can see why Hollywood writers clutch their laptops and high tail it to the nearest Starbucks to pen the next great American doggie adventure. If I could call upon a more powerful word than nauseating, I would. But don't get me wrong, I dig a point.

A recent study at the university of...blah, blah, blah discovered that dogs possess a sense of fairness. Holy breakthrough Batman! They set it up so dogs would do tricks and then they'd be rewarded with a treat. But when the clever scientists withheld the treats from some of the dogs, those dogs said, "fuck this" in dog speak, and would not participate anymore. This was how the sci-geniuses or is it geniuii?, came to their findings. This, I'm afraid, is where the scientists erred. The fact of the matter is that dogs in this instance merely recognized when a member of the top of the food chain (scientist) possessed the asshole gene. If I were the Dean of this college it would go something like this:

"So what does this tell us science boy?"
"Well, um, er, I don't know Mr.Dean sir."
"Your funding just got yanked science boy. Now get over there with the others and find me a cure for cancer, chop, chop."

Oh but I miss the 1970's when as a young, hip lad, dogs were dogs who knew their place and people weren't maniacal morons about k-9s. Tough guys had German shepherds, families had Labrador Retrievers, and Little big men had Doberman Pincers. There were no small dogs, no Brussels Griffins, no Chihuahuas nothing other than blue haired grandma's poodle. And if there were small dogs they were mistaken for rodents or cats. But now dogs are on prozak and they can even go to a spa and get a massage! And now countless varieties of small dogs are running the show. It's time to come back to the sane side of the doggie park America before we become an even bigger embarrassment!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Some Things Just Hold Up!

It doesn't rain much in SoCal but when it does the rain meets the oil and gas on the road turning the street into a sweet skating rink. It may not be sweet for everybody but for a guy raised in rainy climbs who digs puttin' the pedal to the medal to spin them tires and kick out that back end, its like a slice of mom's apple pie. The rain fell for sixty minutes before my first episode. I was pulling into a strip mall. I was to be first at my stop of a three way stop. My plan was to make a left. The road to the left looked clear enough, meaning no cars and minimal pedestrian action. If a cop were nearby I'd have been popped for rolling through the intersection. A tough fine on the pocket book. I accelerate briefly and then 'boom' I gun it. The tires scream in an attempt to gain purchase. This is no smoke show as the blacktop is too slick. Fine by me. My truck with rear wheel drive is heavy up front in the business end and lighter out back in the party end. The box kicks out like a loose bronco. She's outta here. My tires talk to each other excited by the quick revolutions. If I ease off the gas and turn into the skid I can right the ship. But righting the ship is not in my plans. Not yet. I do turn into the skid slightly but instead of powering down I give her a little more gas. I'm now traveling sideways down the center of the lot. Pedestrian heads turn in fear at the sound. Their countenances full of shock at the sight. Some even read sympathy for the cat who's lost control of his truck. That is, until they hear the music blaring and the maniacal roaring laughter of yours truly over the heavy metal din. I haven't done this move in at least six months. My heart races, slightly gripped in fear. Not real terror mind you, its more like the fear one feels on a roller coaster: its scary but you know it'll work out alright.
The truck's caboose is now getting away from me. A full 360 degree turn, or 'doughnut' is next if I don't take control. My laughter turns to a curse word. If I doughnut and one of the parked cars decides to back out of its space I'm screwed. And I guarantee I won't find a single witness to side with me in this crowd if there's an accident. I ease off the gas slightly and fight the wheel from doing her own thing. The truck growls one more time before coming under control. I slow, pull into a parking spot and shut her down. A dozen witnesses eyes filled with hatred bore through me. They appear even more shocked as they spy my salt and pepper hair. Their questioning eyes ask, 'aren't you a bit old for peeling out?'
And to them and the masses who are reading this blog I say this. Fair enough, peelin' out, burnin' rubber or layin' a patch is generally a younger man's game. A game that men, okay boys, usually discover at around age 16. Without giving too much away, somewhere between age 15 and 17 I got with a girl and we 'did the do'. It was both our first time. And do you know what? After all of these years, gettin' down with a dame is still fun! Some activities just hold up people. So go ahead and do the peel out math brothers and sisters. And if you see my truck comin' at you sideways with music blastin' and tires a-screamin'-don't hate. Instead, roll that window down and give me a fist pump or flash me the rock and roll sign. Because life is short. So, GIVE 'ER!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Reality Debate TV

Debates: Done! We did it folks, no matter what side you come down on we survived the debates. Many of you had complaints that the debates were boring; that nothing happened. I hate to say it but you are all by products of a reality t.v. based society. That, and a sport fan mob with a gladiator spectator's mentality that thirsts for blood. You all want a victim and a decisive winner. Perhaps the victor paraded away on supporters shoulders while the bloodied loser limps crestfallen from the stage. Wake up folks, that is what movies and television are for. Plenty was said and sometimes, it is what is not said that provides the gem of information. You need to read between the lines, read the body language. Listen to how and if the questions are answered. Let us revisit Sarah Palin. She only answered questions that she had prepared answers for. And there in lies your information about her. Oh yeah, and she winks at the camera so draw your own conclusion from that idiosyncrasy.
During the last debate when Barack took a zinger from McCain he at times would grin. Was it a grin of condescension? Who can say other than Barack? When a McCain attack was thwarted he'd grimace, a miniature amount of steam would exit his ears and then he'd forge on. This language speaks volumes brothers and sisters but you've got to pay attention.

I listened to the right wing pundits all day long leading up to the debate and every one of them to a man, woman and Limbaugh demanded that McCain bring up Acorn and Bill Ayers. They also demanded that he play offense; try and get Barack, the cool customer off of his game. And do you know what? John McCain did what his base wanted him to do. He gave it his level best. Incidentally, when I refer to his base I am not referring to the Kool Aid Kooks who've been attending Palin rallies.

The bottom line here is that you, the disappointed, need to take off your audience name tag and remember that you are citizens for shit sake. Stop being such sensationalist trollops and stop craving entertainment at every turn of the t.v. and tivo dial. (Geez, I guess its not really a dial anymore is it.) This is actual REALITY and it effects you, me, everybody. Now if you'd please excuse me I must urgently finish off my rum and coke before my white wine gets warm causing me to get so pissed off that I forget to put my beers in the fridge...and miss The Real Housewives of Orange County

Monday, October 13, 2008

How It All Went Down


'What Happened' is the title of Scott McClellan's tell all book about his time spent at the Bush white house. Scott goes back with Bush to the days he ran for governor of Texas. As a campaign strategist in the early years McClellan saw Bush as a decent man who kept his campaign promise of reaching across the aisle and working with democrats. Scott was not as enthusiastic as his boss on the subject of capital punishment but, he claims he understood Bush's hard line re: killers on death row.

McClellan stayed on with Bush when he walked into the white house in 2000 and eventually became press secretary, a position he held for two years. Naturally, holding such a position McClellan saw it all, or at least enough to eventually break the bond he had with Bush and later write about his experience. When word came down that Scott was about to let the world see behind the curtain Bush issued only one statement. And that was that he didn't have the time to concern himself with former disgruntled employees. He's a cowboy until the end isn't he folks? Funnily enough, there is a quote in the book from Bush's mother that every Halloween and several other occasions the little decider would dress up in cowboy clothes. (Now you tell us).
The 323 pager is loaded with all kinds of chilling facts but I'm just going to focus on one frightening theme. The run up to the Iraq war. We all remember the run up, the talking points, the unimpressive sale thereof. When it was apparent that WMD was unlikely to be found Bush ramped up the freedom rhetoric. McClellan claims that behind closed doors, around corridors, outside various offices Bush could constantly be heard telling anyone who would listen that Iraquis wanted freedom and that he was the man to give it to them. He believed it. He convinced himself of it. He became obsessed with being the one and only president to bring peace to the Middle East. He would show his father that he could do it. He would go down in history as not only being a better commander in chief than his father but maybe even one of the best American presidents in history. This was his dream. We all heard the dialogue that supports this, and Scott McClellan was the fly on the wall. Remember, McClellan started out as big time Bush supporter.


Valerie Plame Wilson worked for many years at the CIA. During the run up to the war as inspectors were having grave difficulty finding WMD vice president Dick Cheney paid a visit to the person. The dot,dot,dot is because apparently a vice president making a trip or trips to CIA headquarters is practically unprecedented. He had one thing on his mind and that was to have the agency find evidence that Saddam was buying naughty weapons. The agency scoured every inch of intel they had and found nothing. As time moved on Cheney began literally feeding them top secret info from sources the CIA had not even heard of. Finally, they (and the they is purposely vague) needed someone to travel to Africa to check out a lead that Saddam was buying weapons grade uranium from the North Africans. Valerie made the mistake of mentioning that her husband, Joe Wilson previously worked in that area and that he had contacts there. They sent Joe who found nothing. Bush still made mention of the yellow cake uranium and Saddam's attempt to purchase it, during his state of the union address. Joe Wilson fired at the administration for lying. The administration, specifically, Carl Rove and Scooter Libby leaked that Valerie Plame Wilson was a CIA operative. This move was illegal and treasonous. It also put her life in danger. After this, the administration began a smear campaign of Joe Wilson.


This all comes down to power. Power is dangerous especially when placed in the wrong hands. Bush is a recovering alcoholic and a somewhat born again christian. He substituted booze with religion all while never resolving his daddy issues. He worships his father while at the same time is highly competitive with him. If religion didn't make him see the 'light' as to his shortcomings perhaps therapy would have. For, because of this need to be better than daddy and perhaps gain a hug we were forced to pay the price for his fanaticism over the Middle East. Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Bush Sr. and the other oil heads literally drooled over Iraq's oil, and the possibility of gaining a sweet footing in the Middle East. They wanted it so badly they manufactured evidence, fed it to Bush's telepromter and actually tried to pin it on the CIA. I'm not crying over Saddam being set up, or the CIA left holding the bag, but I do feel bad for the Wilsons. The U.S. government system needs more over site and over site to see that over site and then watchdogs and watchdogs watching them. Wait, that'll never work. All we really need is decency. Is there any left in the political arena?

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Biden v Palin (also)

Sarah Palin did better than everyone expected in the vp debate. The smart advisers in her camp being unhappy with her string of t.v. interviews threw her into a heavyweight debate camp. The idea was to get her ready for Joe Biden and fast. Have you ever crammed for a test? Yeah it sucks; piling in far too much information in a short period of time. But with us we either past or failed the test and then moved on. But this woman is studying for an incredibly serious posting. She's running for vice presidency of the United States. This should not be regarded like some junior high algebra test. The camp did pay off as far as Palin performed much better than her t.v. appearances. However, she was still quite unimpressive. She is beyond her scope, plain and simple. And the simple fact is that the mass majority of this country knows it.
Palin had her notes with answers prepared. A recurring theme with her was when thrown a question that she did not like she meandered around until she answered the question that she had prepared. The other guy, Biden did not do this. He answered questions, he did not condescend, as many expected, and he never rose to her provocations. The result: Biden won the debate. If I was in Palin's camp I'd advise that if she wants to toss out 'dog gonnits' and 'you betcha's' than knock yourself out, its the way she is. However, I would put the kibosh on her affection for the word; also. She used the word more often than she inhaled and exhaled. Dog gonnit it was so annoying and (also) it was so repetitive and (also) superfluous...also! Oh, and you betcha...also.

Wink wink

And now to the winking. I've been rolling around this planet for as long as I can remember. The one thing I know about, especially when glancing back at my single days is; the wink. Men and women wink for three reasons. Number 1. An individual will wink when they want the attention of another individual. In other words, when they are flirting. Number 2. A person winks when they wish to notify the other party (not political) that they are to be let in on the inside joke. Number 3. An individual will (also) wink when they possess a medical problem with the eye in question. Often referred to as a twitch. So what was the sassy governor up to? One, two or three. Let us rule out number three because there was too much playfulness to the eye. Number 2, the inside joke. But with who, all of her supporters? Hmmm maybe. But if so, is the debate the right forum to do this? And what about number one; the flirt. I say you betcha, to borrow a phrase. The media and members on the right have often referred to Palin as, hot. And although I don't comprehend the label, I believe Palin embracese it and tries to use those wares. So let's agree that she was combining the playful, coy flirtatious with the inside party "do you get it?" or "gotcha" joke.

The Bottom Line

Palin is not ready for the job she is applying for. Her handlers who forced her into debate camp know it; the media who regard and interview her know it; Tina Fey and the cast of Saturday night Live know it. We know it, and I promise you that Sarah Palin knows it! She behaves as if this is an MTV reality show that she is starring in. This is reality but it is not a show. And if she is a true American who legitimately loves her country she will step aside. But, up until now she has not because her massive ego and lust for ultimate power prevent her from doing the right thing. It's never to late to do the right thing governor. Dog gonnit why not do us a favor and give it a rest...also

Monday, October 6, 2008

Lucky 13

I had very little desire to give O.J. Simpson this much blog space. But thirteen years ago to the day, after O.J.'s acquittal in the murder trial of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, jurors deliberated for thirteen hours and came back with a guilty verdict. Lucky 13.
I need to issue a correction on my previous blog about O.J. I said that if found guilty he could do five years. Actually, the judge could give him five years to life. The defense attorneys in this case believe the jurors are punishing O.J. for getting away with murder. If you believe that O.J. did murder those two people then you might feel like this is justice.
Upon hearing the verdict O.J.'s sister sobbed and finally collapsed. Paramedics were called in to look after her. Such a reaction can only mean that she truly believes that her brother is innocent, and probably of all crimes. For, if she knew her brother to be a bad seed she'd probably have folded her arms, shook her head and whispered, 'Ummmhmm, that's my brother.'
I've often been asked why I dislike O.J. so much. One big reason is that when he was going through the big trial thirteen years ago the black community rallied around him. They supported him as if he were family. Doing so solely because of race was totally disagreeable to me. Literally the day after he was acquitted he was asked by a reporter,"..say O.J. now that you're free are you going to give something back to the community that supported you?" And without batting an eye he claimed that O.J. Simpson (yes he went 3rd person) owes nobody and isn't doing anything for any community because o.J. only looks after O.J. I'm not claiming that the man owed anybody, but a thank you at the very least was in order. And you know what it serves the black community right for standing behind such a self centered, ego maniacal, son of a bitch. Oh yeah, another reason I can't stand him is because he killed those two people, or at least had it done. And if he had it done I guarantee he watched. It's sort of like trying to retrieve memorabilia and instead of hiring it done you go yourself with a gang of losers and have one of them wave a gun around. And just to seal your fate with this genius plan you shout that nobody is leaving this room. Smooth move Simpson, you've just added a kidnapping beef to your charge.
I can't imagine the judge will give him life but even if he gives him the minimum, how well do you think a former football star at 61 years of age with a constant attitude of entitlement will hold up? Enjoy your stay Mr. Juice.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Celebrity Snewz

The Basic In-stink Broad

Are you sitting down? Good, because today's first Celebri-dummy is the always loopy Sharon Stone. Stone, now 50 is still an overrated actress and still quite nuts. She's been trying to gain full custody of her 8 year old son Roan. The judge told her, Wednesday, uh-uh baby, no can do. One of the reasons is that she often overreacts from a medical standpoint re: Roan. Stone, overly concerned with her sons stinky feet wanted to inject the lads feet with botox. For those concerned beyond the obvious, many leading ladies will shoot botox into their armpits prior to award shows so as not to sweat and ruin the borrowed gown. So, in fairness one can see where Stone was going with the botox idea. No? Another time Roan had some ailment and she wanted him to have a spinal tap. Yo, Sharon baby, next time you have that urge, how about you just listen to the band, Spinal Tap.

Keep it Clean

Let's all say goodbye to Mr.Clean. Remember the guy on the cleaning product from back in the day? Well maybe you're not old enough. I remember being a kick ass shit kicker in the early 70's and watching the Mr.Clean ad on the tube. It had a catchy yet obnoxious tune. The man himself was based on actor House Peters jr. He died today at 92. Other than being the buff dude-a la Charles Atlas-ish, cat in the tight white T, sporting one earring in the left ear he was a working actor. He rarely, if ever, was a leading man but he appeared in movies like Lassie, Flash Gordon and a handful of westerns. Although I'm more of a Pinesol kind of cat, Mr.Clean affords a hip trip down memory lane. So long pal.

Doh! J Simpson

O.J., O.J., O.J. Man I can't stand that dude! Anyway, he's back in the news again as the defense and the prosecution have both rested in his current trial. Have you heard this one? Last year O.J. and a couple of pathetic thieves stormed a Vegas Hotel room in the hopes of jacking some memorabilia clowns. Apparently these cats had a bunch of O.J.'s goods and he wanted them back. The guy needs money after all. The caper vaults into the genius category because one of Simpson's posse members was packing heat. That bumps it up armed robbery. They held these dudes awhile during negotiations, and that throws in a kidnapping beef. If found guilty he could get 5 years. I doubt the charges will stick. Why? Because the witnesses are not that credible. (I know shocking in a numbskull caper). One witness, whose name escapes me, has been caught on audio tape calling the prosecutor and offering to alter his testimony for the right price. This tape was played for the jury. In the words of Homer Simpson (no relation) "DOH!"

Take The Win!

Tonight Joe Biden and Sarah Palin square off in their one and only debate and I'll blogging about that after the action goes down. But, for now, let's look at the first debate between Obama and McCain. Naturally, I watched the debate as the combatants went round after round. What I saw was a clear win for Barack Obama. What disturbed me however, after the debate was not only the analysts calling it a draw or close, but callers into left wing radio shows, and lefties I know claiming, "I just wish Barack did more..." "I wish he had defended this or that..." Listen folks y'all need to calm down. Barack won that debate and here's why. When McCain was frustrated he would fall back to his condescending line,"I hate to say it but Barack simply doesn't understand, or have the experience..." Now if McCain was to win on these points he would have had to say something like this,"Barack doesn't get, in actuality it is this way..." McCain did not do this. He merely gave partial resume points and talked about his many years in the game. This does not point out where Senator Obama got said point wrong. Furthermore, it is what one does with his experience that counts. You don't get the big brownie points for existing.
As far as the complainers' point about Barack not defending himself: Not so. Barack corrected McCain many times on the issues he felt needed clarity. If Barack defended every single wrong point or lie of McCain's he would have been playing defense all night. And even if Barack were to be correct on these points, America would see him as defensive. This would also shorten the length of time that Barack would get to play offense. To put a further point on it, take a boxing match. Sometimes a boxer will take a shot to the body when he knows that his next shot is going to come over the top and catch the opponent on the button (chin).
People in general like to win no question. I'd argue that Americans like a decisive win...a stomping or a trouncing, if you will, and that is part of the problem. We want our football team to win by 4 touchdowns, we want all our Olympic athletes to win as many golds as Micheal Phelps. We want our basketball teams to win by 40 points and our fave boxer to knock the other guy out, not win by split decision.
Barack had a serious battle with Hillary Clinton. He defended himself when he felt necessary and he ducked/ignored mud slinging at other times. He stuck to his guns and won out in the end. Maybe he's doing the same thing with McCain. He's now in a bigger fight and again it appears that he is sticking to a tested strategy. I should point out that Barack is known to be weaker on the debate floor than he is at the podium delivering a speech. You whiners wanted him to go for the jugular from start to finish and that is not Barack Obama. Stop asking him to be what he is not. I repeat; Obama won round one of the debates and you nay-saying 'supporters' need to stop whining and move on. In other words; take the win people, take the win!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Bipartisan is a four syllable word!

Can you believe it? Well I sure can. The early rumor news is that congress and the administration are close to a bailout deal. It seems some changes are coming to Paulson's original bill. For example, there will be oversight as to how he spends the check and any decision he makes can be challenged in a court of law. Does this mean we should scream hip hip hooray for the almighty Dems? No! Of course this was never going to stand and the Repubs knew it. The Dems throw it out and they look good to their constituents. And the Repubs still get their bailout bill to pass. Its crap! We are supposed to be excited that this bill is going to be a bipartisan issue? The taxpayer is getting screwed; bipartisanly!Are we to be proud of our elected officials because they sat down together this close to a...dare I say it: weekend!
This crisis was arguably 8,10,12 years in the making. Yet you political/financial geniuses sit down and are able to figure it all out in three days and we're supposed to breathe a sigh of relief? And the best you agree on is that we, the little guy who suffers this bad economy the most, pay up? And let's not forget that two of you smart guys in the room (Bush and McCain) told us as recently as a week ago that the 'fundamentals of the economy are sound'. Sounds to me that you guys are fundamentally detached. What about cutting into some of that CEO bonus money out there? They have multi-millions and we do not. Bipartisan, is fast becoming a word like, malignant or festering or incestuous. Maybe it's time for a third party after all.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Taxpayers! Lock and Load!

Yesterday I was going to blog about Nancy Pelosi. I was going to beg and plead with her to withold cutting a check to Henry Paulson for the big Wallstreet bailout. I sat here and witnessed her Democratic congress cut check after check to Bush for his wars. Let us remember that we were told by Bush that the Iraq war would be done in under a year. This money was coming from China. We burrowed it. Cash, for treasury bonds. Sometime after Bush is gone we're going to have to pay it back. The Wallstreet fatcats gambled with their funds by taking on bad loans. Small time lenders (one on every corner) marched out as a predatory army and signed up every Tom, Dick and Harriet to home loans. The lenders then went to the big banks and sold the loans to them. (Keep in mind this also occured with car loans). Many people were approved who had no business being approved. If the mass citizenry is ripped off, then society will crumble. It is why there are laws against what is known as; fraud. The investment bankers are now in trouble and they want to be bailed out as soon as possible so they can get back to business as usual. Henry Paulson wants to make this happen, and he's pushing hard. Don't ask him how he arrived at 700 billion and don't question how he spends the check.
Thankfully, the FBI has decided to investigate some AIG cats and other players in this fraudulent play. Paulson probably said, 'doh' like Homer Simpson when he heard the news. John McCain is now attempting to call off the debate with Barack because 'Washington needs him'. This was the guy who used to proudly proclaim that he knew nothing of economics. This move makes McCain appear maverick like. It gets him headlines and it makes him appear as if he is the one who really cares about the crisis and appreciates the gravity of the situation. In other words, he is campaigning. But wait, there is no way that Bush is going to let McCain get all of the spotlight. It is still his oval office dammit! So, tonight The Decider addressed the nation and explained what happened, and urged that we go forward with Paulson's plan...along with a few ammendments seeing as even some conservatives are not digging the bill. Naturally, W. ran it down in such a way that if congress doesn't go along with a comprehensive bill then they will be responsible for tanking the country. Believe me folks this is the exact same speech he gave every time he needed cash from congress: Bin Laden will get away; the Iraqi's need us now more than ever; our men and women in uniform need this money or else. And so on. The way this guy spends money has nothing to do with the concept of conservatism.
As a sidenote, we Americans should know that much of the money that we funneled into the war to 'support our troops' or be labeled unpatriotic, actually went to contractors like Blackwater. A contractor's salary is at least five times that of a woman or man in uniform and they are not beholden by Geneva. (End of sidenote).
Bush then called for a meeting with McCain, Barack, congressional who-ha's and some other guys who no doubt feel that they are the smartest guys in the room, to go over this Paulson bill.
Greed and arrogance put this economy where it is today. Your government wants 700 billion bucks. More greed. And your government wants you to pay for it. This is more arrogance. What are you going to do America?

Friday, September 19, 2008

Georgia On My Mind

I've been thinking about the Georgia/Russia conflict since it occurred that August day. The moment the media brought us the news of the conflict and let me know that as an American I was a long lost friend to the Georgians I was skeptical. My initial skepticism came as a result of, well, look at the messenger: the media. Second, my government was telling me that Georgia was like a close play-cousin who I hadn't heard from in awhile. So, I did some digging.
The conflict between South Ossetia and Georgia goes back before 1988. In 1993 South Ossetia drafted it's very own constitution and in 1996 elected their first president. More events occurred but let's jump ahead to June 2007. South Ossetia separatists claim Georgia attacked Tshivali with mortar fire and sniper fire. Tbilisi denies this. This lead to talks which broke down in October of that same year. Later, South Ossetia, seeing that the West supports Kosovo's secession from Serbia asks the world to recognize it's independence from Georgia. This is now March 2008, and Georgia begins its push to join NATO. Confused yet? Me too.
April 2008 South Ossetia rejects Georgia's offer of a power sharing type of deal and insists on full independence. In August 2008 as we all know guns start blazin', but hold the phone the soup gets thicker.
Georgia and the U.S. have been serious bedfellows. Georgia has been a proud member of the coalition of the willing. Remember them? This was Bush's team of guys who wanted to share in the spoils of the IRAQ occupation, oops, er, invasion, er, freedom liberation movement...thingy. By definition, this means the U.S. has been training and arming the Georgians so that they could fight shoulder to shoulder against 'evil doers' (N.B. an evil doer is one that does evil).


Presidential hopeful John McCain has put it on the public record that he has been friendly with and working with the Georgians since 1993. He even hired a lobbyist firm to aid him in his negotiations with the Georgians. Why he needed lobbyists and what they were cooking up is not yet known to this blogger. Now here is where it gets sexy. McCain's last visit prior to the conflict was April 2008. After Georgia attacked South Ossetia, Russia responded with a hell of a lot of force. S.Ossetia has many Russian passport carrying citizens. Russia used excessive force as a warning to Georgia as well as a statement of things to come should Georgia act up again. Bush immediately fired back at the Russians stating that they behaved as bullies. Russia obviously has more firepower and they used it. Did the Coalition of the Willing invade IRAQ with slingshots and pitchforks? Or did the U.S. use the resources they possessed? The Bush administration also said that the Russians used far too much force. Bush leveled the city of Fallujah-leveled it!


Let's look at the time line. McCain goes to Georgia around the time that talks break down between Georgia and South Ossetia. In august Georgia attacks South Ossetia, now that they have weapons and training. But, they know that if Russia retaliates, which any fool would know they would, Georgia would suffer many casualties. However, Georgia has an ally: the U.S. The day after the Russian response Bush blasts Russia. The next day Dick Cheney goes to Georgia and hands them a check for 1 billion dollars. A few days later John McCain roars pure solidarity with the Georgians at the Republican national convention.
McCain is largely running on the national security ticket. What better way to promise a nation safety than to have one war (well two) going and another one brewing in Russia. Be I a conspiracy theorist? At times certainly. But this is easy math and I never found math easy. The writing is on the wall and I've just scratched the surface of the wall writing. Bush, Cheney and McCain are the players. They told Georgia to pick this fight. Paid them in fact, there, I said it. We need to keep our eyes open on the Georgia/Russia/South Ossetia business. We need to watch Iraq and Afghanistan. We need to listen to what we are told about Iran. And then, I beg you, find news sources OUTSIDE OF THE UNITED STATES. Find those sources and drink in the information as if it were water after a lengthy desert walk. THEN, read between the lines of these outside sources! Question everything for our lives depend on it!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Governor Wallflower

I never intended to give Sarah Palin any blog space, as I believe that she is quite nothing, that far too much ado, is being made of. However, why should everybody else have all of the fun. What about this wolf business? Alaska has a predator control program dating back to the 1940's, believe it or not. It comes with living up in the high country in the wild. Or, comes with the territory if you will. Frank Murkowski,the governor previous to Palin put his sites on wolves. The thinking was that the wolf was knocking off too many moose and caribou. Murkowski enacted legislation allowing wildlife officials to mount up (in a plane) and shoot the beasts from the air. Palin first took the governor down via election and then amped things up against the wolf. She kept Murkowski's deal in place...and then some. She wrote legislation that would allow pretty much anybody with a license and a gun, trapper's snare or slingshot to head out and start killing. Proof of kill was to be the left front paw of the animal. For this, the newly deputized lad or lass would be paid $150. I wonder how many hunters would bring in the right paw as well and try the old two paw monty in an attempt at getting $300 for one wolf. I sure hope they have a strong Department of Left Front Wolf Paw Authentication up there!
Defender's of Wildlife, a branch of the Sierra Club squawked to a state judge about the inhumanity of it all and the judge bought it. He claimed that Palin did not have the authority to cut bounty checks to trigger happy yahoos like Yosemite Sam. But, Palin would not go quietly! She moved the goalposts. She ruled that the predator control program would no longer be overseen by the Department of Fish and Game, but rather Alaska's Board of Game...whose members are appointed by Sarah Palin. O.K. maybe she more than moved the posts. In this, she actually bought the referee and slept with the opposing team's coach.
The state officials along with Palin believe that the wolf is responsible for killing over 80% of the moose and caribou population while hunters take less than 10%. 172 scientists petitioned for Palin to stop this madness. They know the wolf to be a scavenger by nature and that 60-70 percent of his meals are scavenged. But as we all know, Lady Creationism don't need no stinking scientists.
The reason Palin augmented former governor Murkowski's plan was that she felt that not enough wolves were being killed, and not fast enough. The predator control guys claimed that they were having trouble finding wolves. Yo, governor Wallflower, I have a question for you: Could the killing slow down be a result of the killing that the predator control (more like out of control) guys have already done?

Friday, August 29, 2008

Alive and Well

A personal training outfit opened up near my studio. Flying under the name Crossfit, their workouts boast a cross between vintage strongman and the 300 workout. (The actors of the movie, 300, underwent this special workout). Two partners run the business: the dude is an ex-Olympic weight lifter and the woman a former collegiate rower. Their business has been growing at a decent rate over the last three months. I introduced myself and found them to be nice people. They told me that they hoped their good friends occupy the unit next door-also personal trainers but with a more traditional workout regimen.
Three months later which brings us to yesterday, I met the other trainers as they moved into their unit. A couple of nice guys both fit as the butcher's borrow a British phrase. They were supposed to move in at the same time as their Crossfit pals but were forced to jump through several hoops. The city (re: permits)ran their credit several times, and demanded several references. After this they were made to play the, hurry up and wait game. The trainer told me that both of their credit ratings were far better than their weight lifter buddy from Crossfit.
The landlord handed the new tenants a legal-document sized and extremely redundant application form that made them jump through more hoops. One of the hoops being, a larger deposit than his Crossfit colleagues. ($900 more). When he looked at his buddy's application he noticed a major difference. It was only one page and contained little more than a signature. Do you know where I'm going folks? You guessed it. It is 2008 and racism is alive and well in America. It makes me wanna holler!

The Crossfit trainers are white. The two new personal trainers are black.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Hear Hillary Roar!

I don't have cable t.v. and because my building lies within some mysterious 'no tech zone' I cannot even receive the basic four channels everyone else does. It has been this way for over two years now and I miss television, not in the slightest. I wanted to spy some of the democratic convention speeches so I headed for Bush's internets, or is it McCain's interwebs? I found Matt Lauer and heard him begin his broadcast with, and I paraphrase, "...Well Hillary and Barack had a brutal battle during the primary it'll be interesting to see if Hillary unites the Party or uses her supporters to...blah,blah,blah and I walked away for fear of tossing my laptop into the pool. Most news stations and talk radio ran with this empty, pathetic pseudo prediction. Which, for the record is not news at all. Anybody who thought that Hillary was going to somehow lash out at Obama and tank the Party is an idiot. Hillary ended up giving a great speech. And I'm here to tell you that I expected nothing less from a woman of her intellect; a woman of her experience as a former first lady and current senator, and a woman who, although she let her ambitions get the best of her during the primaries, has had ample time to reflect and compose. During those primary months I often cursed Hillary for her dirty politics, but I knew that inside lived a decent person and politician. This is why it came as no surprise at all when she gave a dynamite speech. She is a democrat for chrissake. And, she wanted to run the country as a democrat. It would make no sense to throw the Party under the bus. Besides, it was advantageous to 'do right' (or left) by the Party in the hopes of securing a nice cabinet position for herself. Furthermore, if she acted the fool it would have told the remaining 282 million Americans (the other 18 million are her supporters) that they were right not to support her. Can you imagine the field day twin blowhard morons; Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly would have had? Any and all of you who thought she'd go up there and make an ass of herself bought into today's media and you should never do that for we live in a time when the current media is irresponsible, biased, uninformed, lazy, bumbling, bought, and for the most part useless! Please pardon the sugar coating and always try to remember what is said about making assumptions.
And as to Hillary's holdout supporters who feel cheated and continue to whine about losing, you should be happy about one thing. You have received the most media attention in history of any political voting body that has come in second place. Enjoy the accolade ye bitter supporters and rest assured you've been heard. Now please, have a seat and be quiet! And if in November you decide to NOT vote for Obama; know that Hilary who is intelligent will have voted for Obama where as you who are imbecilic will have voted for McCain.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Drink Up Y'all!

Yup, the outgoing Decider in chief has done it again. Not on a huge scale as usual but he's definitely going to be W until he steps aside. When explaining the credit crunch in the U.S. he said, "It (Wall Street) got drunk and now it's got a hangover." Interesting choice of words seeing as during the pre-Decider days O'l W was quite partial to tippin' a few. Ah, recovering is the term for what I believe he is today. I don't fault the guy for having been a little too fond of the grape and if it is true that a writer should write about what he knows then why shouldn't a Decider in cowboy clothes speak about what he knows. I guess I was just thinking that if a guy is looking to rack up legacy points before he blows this pop stand he might have chosen better words. Words that an actual president would use in front of an audience...perhaps.

When Bush gave this little gem of a speech cameras were not allowed and the press was not invited however some guy recorded it with a camera phone or something. These are the times we live in folks; if you are in the public eye somebody is going to tape/record/video the shit you have to say. There is no privacy and that's just the way this administration has wanted it. And for a later blog I believe Obama came down of the funny side of FISA as well so I'll be looking into that and blasting him too if he needs blasting because this brother (me) is an independent until further notice.

Bush also mentioned that Texas is not feeling any housing crunch for Laura was out trying to but a house in Dallas as he spoke. The crowd apparently laughed at the joke. Joke? Wow, I guess when you're the Criminal in Chief the loyal sycophants will laugh at just about anything you say.Laura has supposedly tired of the Crawford ranch. In other words she's tired of W's tough skin jeans, the eight gallon play cowboy hat and his cowboy boot slippers. So let us hope that as the Decider goes clumsily into that dark night that he does not write his memoirs (in crayon or otherwise), and that he does not open a library, I mean come on seriously; and that he gets back on the sauce, puts his feet up at Laura's new home and quietly awaits the indictments to roll in for I have a sneaking suspicion that when Bush comes a cryin', Cheney won't be a answerin'!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Journey Of A Tough Guy

My legs started feeling heavy even before I was within twenty yards of the place. I don't claim to be the action hero type or some kind of wacked out thrill seeking dare devil but where I was headed would chill the spine of tougher men than me. I was now officially past the point of no return. 'Come on Sweet Lou' I tell myself 'just keep moving forward'. And that's just what I did. My hand on the door handle I take a deep breath. I enter. Heads turn; not all but most, and look in my direction. It is as though they look right through me. In the somewhat glory days of yesteryear this would be considered a player's playground, a rogue's romping retreat. My present mind clouds as it journeys back. Back to a time when the lovin' was free, drinks did flow and bad dialogue was handed out like a two bit politician's handshake.
I was yanked from my reverie by the tiny voice of a tiny Asian woman behind a tiny counter.

"Can I help you sir?"

I consider bolting from the joint. Call me a coward I don't care. At least I'll live to see another day. Ah, but who am I trying to kid. I've come this far. I've jumped off of it, smashed through it, and barely slid under it. I can do this. I was ready. I was ready because they said I couldn't do it. The kind lady asks me again if she can help me only this time she smiles. She and a handful of other dames all smiling, on the brink of laughter, some already there at the quiet giggling stage. I put air in my chest to gain size not unlike a puffed up pigeon. I clear my throat. Here goes. Put some bass into it Lou.

"Yes, ah I'd like a pedicure please."

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


OH boy it seems that there was a bit of a dust up in the high priced celebrity refuge of Malibu Beach Ca. The paparazzi moved into the area in the hopes of capturing a surfing Matt Maconaghey through the business end of their high end telephotos. All was going just fine for the photography roaches until...(cue scary music) a gang of over privileged white platinum spoon fed locals rained on the parade. Look out Bloods and Crips there is new gang in town..well not your town but a town not near you.
But first a little background on the white kids turf. Many celebs dig Malibu for it's beaches, fine homes and to a massive degree the community locks out the shutter bugs. 'We don't want em' here' is the paraphrased message broadcast by this city.

(Please note ,blacks, latinos, white trash or anybody else with an embarrassingly low income need not apply either but that's another blog for someone else.)

But take Pierce Brosnon he and his wife dig Malibu because it is not Rodeo Drive or the Ivy, but apparently he's being investigated for allegedly striking a paparazzo. Let me go out on a limb and say that in this case 'allegedly' means, he did it and good on ya Pierce. Locals say that Pierce is a cool guy until he gets pissed off and then the Irishman comes out. Obviously the camera vultures know this and provoke him for that million dollar shot.
Back to big Mac:
Maconaghey rents a home in Point Dume. He heads out on his surf board. The shutter bugs scramble over the rocks like an advanced case of genital crabs for the money shot. As their expensive gear clicks away a group of local surfers approach and encroach and tell the ZZi's to move it along. No doubt the Photogs invoked what most A-holes do between the borders of Canada and Mexico; "It's a free country." Little did they know that Malibu ain't free at all baby. A fracas breaks out, as it was written in the L.A. Times-nothing like a friggin' fracas I always say-punches and kicks were thrown, high price gear tumbled into the sea or was stolen, curse words; the whole gamut.
Now what is interesting is the next day the papazzoids came back for more and the local ruffians stood their ground once again. I mean hey, when you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way! Another scrap ensued and the usual lawsuits, threats, rights and freedoms speeches blah blah boo hoo.
I'm not sanctimonious Sam over here coming down on the Paparazzi it is just that if you don't understand the concept of occupational hazard then you truly are a prick. Sure you have rights, but if somebody gets pissed about the job you are doing we as a society may not enforce your right to annoy. Sorry bub. Sometimes the meter maid gets told to F-off, the dog catcher gets bitten, and the bathroom attendant gets ignored (its creepy after all.) Listen up Papara-dummies you've chosen this profession for the four figures it pays when you catch Paris Hilton crying on her way to jail. But occasionally you get a face slap and a Nikon tossed into the drink; deal with it or take a walk sunshine because me and Malibu's Caucasian connection ain't about to bust out crying!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Character Is The Only Thing!!!

This is a great day in history even for those of you who do not support Barack Obama. For those unimpressed or unmoved by what Obama's nomination means I urge you to look to the world. The general consensus from legitimate countries is a huge thumbs up. Do not kid yourselves America most of the world is older than this place and this world has a long memory. A country with a history of being built on the slave's back is a history that has not vanished from onlookers' minds. This is a positive achievement no matter where you come down on the issue of racism. The sad part of the argument I struggle to make is that many Americans don't know or care what the rest of the world thinks. When Bush attempted to circle the world's wagons he found many takers with the Afghanistan campaign but Iraq; not so much. The coalition of the willing was not all that thrilling. We are not popular is what I'm getting at. Some of you still don't care but I bet the hairs on the back of your neck have risen at least a tad in that the outside world scrambles no more for your once almighty dollar.
But let me meander back to Barack. The first thing he declared was that the entire democratic party put a kibosh on accepting funds from lobbyists or any and all political action committees-a policy he adhered to during his campaign. That is definitely a plus in the integrity column. Today he ventured to Diane Feinstein's home to sit down with her and Hillary. (A plus in the class column as HE made the overture to pow wow with her). She who would not concede when all the world was at her stage. She did a fine job of making her speech and the moment about her but left even some of her supporters, well shocked. Now the 64,000 dollar question. Does Obama take her for a running mate? This blogger says hell no and maybe not for the reasons you might think. I am a registered independent and always will be. I cast my vote on what I call the integrity ticket. Obama has shown massive integrity thus far. Hillary on the other hand has been an abomination. The manner in which she ran this campaign has been mean spirited and adolescent, infantile in fact. She lied, was petty, and was just down right low down. Examples? She lied about the Bosnian sniper fire she endured, she took her sweet time distancing herself from Geraldine Ferraro, all while having far less headlines than did Obama re: Rev Wright, She had a high up staff member leak a complete busllshit story to the Canadian PM re:Obama and Nafta, she put her name on the Michigan ticket when all participants agreed not to and so on. Feel free to add your own input in this cocktail of bad behaviors. And what does she do at the finish line? She decides not to acknowledge the other runner's victory even though he is over the friggin' finish line. Some say it was a ploy to use her supporters as leverage for VP. Probably so, but either way I'm the integrity dude and Hillary in the last few months has shown that she possesses no integrity.
If you're considering calling me a hater don't bother because when this contest began I was a Hillary SUPPORTER. She has shown her true colors. She has given us a glimpse of how she would have run this country. And just settle down all of you knee jerk hussies who continue to say how amazing she is and how she'd do great things for medicare. Analogy: If I punch you in the face today will you vote for me tomorrow just because in the past I was hip to medicare reform or can you not get past the fact I just punched you in the face? I'm afraid we're talking about a different Hillary people. This one suffers from delusions of gross entitlement mixed with actual elitism and is hitched to a shady former President who has completely come off the rails. But it was simple. Behave decently, stand by your words and show me your character for character is everything. Character is the only thing and that is why I back Barack! And if Barack becomes President and does a poor job and doesn't stand by his vision then I will be his harshest critic. That is the advantage of being an independent; I am beholden to none. And my vote is not for sale but you DO have to earn it! Be I blowhardy? Too damn bad. Who am I you ask? I'm the integrity dude. Believe it!

Friday, May 30, 2008

Celebrity Snooz

A lot going on in celebri-world: Let's look at Brad and ANGELINA JOLIE. Yummy mommy Ang just had twins in France. This now gives what some call the hot couple six kids. The twins now join (Mad Dog) Maddox, (Tea in the) Zahara, (you don't know shit from) Shiloh, and Pax (Americana). Seriusly folks is this really what Brad wanted those few short years ago when he gave Angelina the business on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Maybe it's just me but Brad just seems to follow her around like a lap-Brad. Oh well he's in it now y'all.
He man songstress Clay 'curious' Aiken 29,is going to be a daddy. That's right Clay got down with a 50 year old. Well actually he got down with a test tube (Shocker)and the Doc did the rest. Jaymes Foster, a dame, was Clay's executive producer on some album he recently did. I suppose she was feeling barren, or close to it and asked that Clay step up and donate some swimmers. Jaymes is the sister of music producer/mogul David Foster; hence the 'executive' in her producer title and possibly hence; why Clay was persuaded to part with aforementioned diva seed. $$$.
Some time ago I blogged about how MICHAEL JACKSON stood on the precipice of losing his Neverland ranch. Well as luck would have it as it often does with those with cash-even while being in bankruptcy- the 11th hour did that 11th hour thing it sometimes does. The self proclaimed king of pop cut a confidential deal with the Fortress Investment Group LLC. In short M.J. gets to keep his ranch. The ranch is apparently located in wine country near the area the Sideways movie was filmed. Local residents rumored that at one point soccer dude Beckham was interested in purchasing the ranch. My question is, how much friggin' dough does the friggin' British footballer have? The ranch was estimated to be worth around $24.5 million.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Scotty Mac and Decider Boy

Memorial day just passed and as per usual Americans shopped, went on vacation, barbecued and paid tribute to the fallen. The Decider in Chief did what a president should do and attended a ceremony in Arlington. He said the presidential usual,"I stand before you as commander...very proud etc." He then goes on and says this about the proud soldiers that have fallen. "They're an awesome bunch of people and the U.S. is blessed to have such citizens." Memeorial day comes but once a year and this is a huge memorial day as he is on his way out and he has led many a military lamb to this slaughter and the best he can muster is that 'they're awesome'. The man is pathetic; a lame duck president to the power of ten. The pretend cowboy then goes on to say, "...they found peace beneath the white headstones in the land they fought to defend...solemn reminder of the cost of freedom that the number of headstones in such a place as this grows with every memorial day."
Peace beneath the headstones? Had I lost a child in this debacle I'd be snapping. They had REAL peace before Bush cooked up this bullshit Iraq war. Cost of freedom? Freedom from who, the marauding Iraqis in a neighborhood near me? The gall and arrogance is astounding.
Former press secretary Scott McClellan's new tell all book apparently tears his former administration a new one.
"What I do know is that war should be waged when necessary and the Iraq war was not necessary." This quote is apparently from the book's preface. How do we feel about this upcoming tell-all? Is he trying to put forth a Bart Simpson-esque 'I didn't do it' as former guy who told us all to believe in the admin's words? Is he trying to gain immunity from the public in the event he needs to appear before a jury of his peers? Or is he just yet another rat leaving the drowning good-fascist-ship lollipop? Do we say attaboy Scotty or do we say it's too little too late Bubba go atone somewhere else. In fairness it does take some balls to write about your sins especially when there is risk of retribution. Furthermore, any light these whistle blowers...oops I should say accomplices instead of whistle blowers for there is a difference on the morality food chain-but any light/evidence these cats want to shed on what we basically already know is fine by me. The administration has quickly retorted by labeling Scotty Mac as 'disgruntled'. No doubt the label was written by an awesome bunch of speech writing press dudes.
Bush's response was that he's got better things to do than worry about some disgruntled former employee. A good line if it weren't for the fact that we all know that the only thing on is his mind is which skippy cowboy hat he should wear first in 200 plus days when he steps down. And on that day I'm sure he'll look up from his Shetland pony to his dad who sits a real horse and say, "See daddy I told you I could do two terms, now watch me jump this pony over that tiny Texas tulip."

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Bye Bye Stooperdelegates

As a kid I loved the Bugs Bunny cartoon, in fact I still do. Daffy Duck had a character, a super hero all caped up called Stooperduck. He was a not too bright character that was sort of a blend of Maxwell Smart and Inspector Cluseau. He bumbled and fumbled, flew into walls, got his beak all shot to hell and so on. He is why I have renamed the super delegates in the current democratic primary, stooperdelegates or stooper D's. They are not so big named people who enjoy their somewhat power position a little too much. "Ha while the country observes the primary game I'll hold onto my trump card so that one and all will covet me and mine." Combine this if you will with a little, "Well I'm not gonna vote first, you vote first. Hey let's get Mikey, he'll vote first..." Seriously how can they not know by now who to throw in with, are they stupid?
Or is it genuine fear? "I'm scared of backing the wrong horse. What if it comes in second, breaks it's ankles and they have to put it down?" Well if it is in fact fear ladies and gents of the stooperdelegacy then turn in your stooper-card STAT!
In fact let's drop all of this superfluous 'super' trumped up prefix altogether. There are to be no more supermodels there are just regular models and the over paid model. Even MickeyD's dropped the 'supersize' after Mogan Sperlock's movie Supersize Me. From now on there can only be super chargers in classic American muscle cars and superheros in comic books and that's it Bubba! And until that blissful day when the electoral/primary system is dismantled and then rebuilt-to make sense ie. 1 person; 1 vote on 1 day-delegates will be delegates: those we know and those we do not.
Please, please please people we've just endured 8 years under the Dum Dum in Chief's regime and his weak attempt at world domination alongside the Coalition of the Unfullfilling. We must strive to be clever and in that cleverdom is nary a thread of assininity. In other words clever is never having to say your STOOOOOOPID!

Friday, May 9, 2008

RUSH is a Rush

The Rush concert began with a funny yet bizarre skit on the jumbotron. Who knew that Geddy and company were actors as well as one of the greatest bands on earth. The power trio opened up with Limelight, a classic from the Moving Pictures album..that's right I said album and always will bothers and sisters. Geddy (bass player, lead vocalist, keyboard player) struggled on a couple of notes but then smoothed it out for the rest of the show. As I pointed out to the fellow and feline Rush fans we were with, Geddy wrote his parts near the top of his range when he was in his twenties and they are still playing the songs in the original keys. For the record neither Robert Plant, Mick Jagger or Steve Perry of Journey can still hit the notes of yesteryear-they all drop the keys to their classics. The young trio played for three and a half hours with a tiny beer break intermission in the middle. It was totally phenomenal; there was pot in the air, I was high fivin' strangers, beers were only 7 bucks!!! and the music surged like a Canadian prog rock tornado. Add to this the couple we went with even got into a minor squabble as to which one of them was the huger Rush fan. Now that is a friggin' concert!
I remember coming up back in the day listening to Rush and going to their concerts. In a word;Awesome. I use to get so pissed year after year when Canadian bands like Brian 'asshole' Adams and Celine 'dummy' Dion would win all of these Juno awards (U.S. equivalent being a grammy) even though whatever current Rush album was out would outsell the award winner twofold! Rush, they say is an acquired taste and I was and am still happy to defend them against naysayers. Just look at them today. They've stood the test of time since their birth in 1969. If you don't believe me check out their concert in Rio from a few years back. You'd swear you were watching a Beatles concert. Brazilians are screaming and crying and passing out left and right. Rush is world wide people so don't fight it, join em'. Rush rips, Rush rocks, RUSH is still a total RUSH!!
Concert Hall!!!!

Friday, May 2, 2008

America's Fast Food Horn O' Plenty

The other day I heard Bush tell the world that not only do we have nothing to worry about as far as the U.S. economy is concerned but he claimed that the almighty U.S. dollar is not weak. And I swear he believed his words; that's how far the man is gone. So we all know he's wrong on that but I'm not here to rag on Mr. Mission Accomplished tonight.
A recent study just came out about how and where the economy is hemorrhaging.In a word; everywhere but lets look at restaurants. Americans are tightening their belts. Actually no they are loosening their belts but tightening up on their spending at most restaurants but not at( drum roll please) fast food joints. Diddley squat has been gleaned from movies like Supersize Me or stats on rising obesity. Cats who normally eat at your Soup Plantations, Sizzlers and TGI Fridays are taking it down a notch and going to McDonald's, Burger King and the other fat building bottom of the barrel-ers. Their profits are up, and significantly so over the aforementioned upper tier. Fast food regulars may be pulling back a day or two during the week at best but the second tier-ers have stepped into the deep fry basement. What this means is as with other recessions Americans will pinch their pennies visa vi; clothing, jewelry, houses, cars and the like but dammit America is going to eat! Obesity be damned. So whereas the media claimed that Katrina victims took their FEMA issued ATM cards to buy high end sneakers and IPODS just watch how many common folk take their Bush granted stimulus package checks to MickeyD's ASAP. Go ahead America get your eat-on while we still have a place at the table...tick tick y'all the clock is ticking.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Calling All Techno-nerds

I got a call or a text rather, recently from a friend of mine. My cell frantically alerted me that I should visit my inbox.Once there I learned that I should race to the internet and once there I should enter a certain code; at that time I will be brought to a message in the form of an email which is in fact addressed to me. Just to wrap up: My phone rings to tell me to go to my inbox which tells me I have a text message which is in fact an email on the internet. My thoughts: ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME? Do you know what this is? It is a technological easter egg hunt. Even as a kid I hated easter egg hunts. Look Ma and Pa either give me the candy or dangle, amscray, drift, take it on the heel and toe, I ain't got time to work for candy. I still hate easter egg hunts even of-no correction, especially of the tech variety. When I was coming up people use to have conversations. When they could not be face to face they used the telephone and spoke into the handset and voila, you knew what the hell it was that they wanted. Alexander Graham Bell must be looking at us and saying, 'you guys are idiots'. And I agree with him.
I never did follow the technological cyber trail. Instead I called my friend a had an actual conversation with her which is where two people talk and figure it all out.
Listen up techno-nerds just because technology is new does not mean it necessarily advances humanity. 70 percent of new tech blows: gets discarded, then gets replaced and costs all of us time and friggin' money. Wait! Hold! Take a moment, think it through and then invent something useful. Now run to your techy bunsen burner and create a home computer that turns tap water into beer!

Hilly Baby Gone Crazy

Hillary, Hillary, Hillary when you claimed that you were under sniper fire during your visit to Bosnia and it later came out that the opposite was true you told the world-during your presidential bid- that you 'misspoke'. Nobody bought it, not even you. But like everything else in this ADHD nation we forgot about it and moved on. And now you've accused Barack of being elitist. I repeat: You accuse Barack of being elitist. If last time you misspoke then this time you have lied. Oh wait a minute misspeaking is in fact lying. Okay I need to work on that one. Anyway, you not-so young lady went to Wellesley (sp)-elite private school. You were on the board of directors of Wal Mart. Not too common a gig except for perhaps an elite type of gal. You attended Yale. You were a first lady. You were in the position to lend 5 million bucks to yourself. Sorry babe but all that and more put you in the big E category.
Obama's father left when he was young so he was raised by a single mother. When he attended school he was only able to do so with student loan money. I could go on about Barack's struggle but we both know it's not necessary.
Hillary you are stooping so low it is becoming a tad laughable. You are behaving like the potential prom queen who's been stood up by the captain of the football team and your on a crazed revenge kick! This latest ironical misspeaking of yours reminds me of when the Repubs challenged Kerry's war record all while the bufoonish Bush had a paper military record. Look, both sides of the ailse can play dirty politics but the Democrats pride themselves on not playing Republican politics. What the hell would you call this Hilly baby? Should we call you Hillary Clintublican?
My suggestion to you is that you bow out possible, and hope for a somewhat significant cabinet posting and start working WITH Barack because I remind you that he is in fact a Democrat which would put him on the same side as you, or am I misspeaking on that? And while your at it put a gag order on the limelight grabbing blowhard husband of yours cause he isn't helping nobody. (Incidentally 'helping nobody' is non-elitist for 'helping anybody' so don't bother correcting my English). See youze on the back bench Hilly baby!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Cheney to the rescue?

The man himself has gone to the Middle East to call on the tender mercies of Saudi King Abdullah al-Jenadriya to either lower oil prices or pump out more oil. Now over here in America the oil companies are making record profits and we all know Dick Cheney gets a sweet cut from this. This begs the question; how sincere is this mission of Dick's? Why rock the cash boat that they're livin' large on-what's in it for them? If we the public know that more oil is being pumped will we not revolt and demand lower gas prices? Get serious. We'll whine, we'll complain and idiots like me will blog.
But there is another angle here. Bush is going out a lame duck President which no doubt is killing the decider's ego. If his right hand man (and actual boss) Cheney can swing this in the 11th hour of Bush's departure some of us will say, "wow Bush really came through when it counted." And those folk would need their heads examined. But if Cheney is sincere let's face it, he can 'get-r-done' as Larry the Cable guy would say, because Dick is one bad mutha. Darth Cheney could convince anybody of pretty much anything with the exception of maybe Kim Jong Il. Crazy doesn't fear psychotic, the hand book says so. Until this episode wraps up we can only huddle by our home fires and hope that Dick Cheney, a man that was in favor of continued apartheid in South Africa and the continued imprisonment of Nelson Mandela has our gas guzzling backs. Go Dick Go! Go Dick Go! Wow, I never thought I'd cheer that in this lifetime...or any lifetime! Oh but these are troubled times.

Chiwetel Ejiofor...easy for you to say

What or who is Chiwetel Ejiofor? Well it just so happens that he is a great actor. No doubt you've seen him in bit parts so Hollywood hasn't quite caught on to him yet but they're getting there. Across the pond in jolly old England he is very well known. He's literally been tearing up the British stage. He won the Laurence Olivier award of best actor for his work for the title role of Othello at the Donmar.
Born to Nigerian parents in 1974 Chiwetel took to the acting game early. Later he attended the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art. In 2000 The London Standard awarded him 'Outstanding Newcomer'. I believe his big Hollywood debut was in Spielberg's Amastad at the tender age of 19. He has worked with Denzel Washington two times. The first as his cop partner in Inside Man and later in American Gangster where he played one of Denzel's brothers.
The movie 'Talk to Me' starring Don Cheadle as Petey Green costarred Chiwetel. It was a joy to watch these two huge talents working together. Don Cheadle is a great underrated actor and Chiwetel Ejiofor is a yet to be discovered great actor. Two years ago I heard an interview with Mr. Cheadle where he claimed-and not bitterly- that whether or not he wants a specific role he needs it to be turned down by Denzel, Will Smith, Cuba Gooding Jr. and so on. This is ridiculous but I guess that's show business. Let's hope that this sort of thing does not happen to Chiwetel because he's got chops!
I just rented a flick called Dirty Pretty Things. Low budget costarring Audrey Tatou. This movie is a must see so netflix-it, blockbuster-it whatever just check it out.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Quest for beer

While searching for beers under the picnic table I noticed my photo was about to be taken. When in doubt,pose!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

McCain hearts Hagee

On March 7th Senator McCain gleefully accepted the endorsement of Pastor John Hagee who happens to be a maniac with a huge following. Scary isn't it. But let's look a little deeper at this cat. Hagee is anti African American, an anti Semite, he hates Muslims, he's also anti-gay and he's an old school chauvinist. Geez who's left? Who does he like? Oh yeah, older straight white guys like himself and ah, John McCain. The interesting part of all of this is that McCain knows full well who and what this man is but welcomed the endorsement with open arms. Naturally this did not sit well with several religious groups among others; and the media ran with it. McCain fired back with,"in no way did I intend for his endorsement to suggest that I in turn agree with all of pastor Hagee's views, which obviously I don't." Well first of all it is not that obvious McCainy. Furthermore if we read in, around and between your lines you are not actually denouncing or rejecting the endorsement. Shame,shame McCainy-Cain. It is understandable that when you're in a political race there are times when you can't pick your allies, they pick you. But there are times, as there should be, when your character does not permit you to accept a less than desirable endorsement. Like for example in the case of Louis Farrakhan's endorsement of Barack Obama. Senator Obama rejected Farrahkan's support publicly and swiftly.
When this axe came down McCain also said, "...I am proud of (Hagee's) spiritual leadership of thousands of people." Proud? Proud like he's your son and he brought you an A on his report card? Strange verbiage McCainy-Cain. But it doesn't end there. McCain wasn't ambushed by the endorsement, he actually sought out the Lunatic's support. On January 29th/2007 the two men sat down and had a secret meeting. The easy math would indicate as follows: secret meeting plus follow up endorsement = Alliance! There is an old adage from the generation before mine that says, "tell me who you travel with and I'll tell you who you are." Need I say more?
Okay just a little more. Here is one of the many kookoo beliefs of McCain's buddy-the guy he is proud of. "...I believe that Hurricane's are acts of God because God controls the heavens. I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God and they were the recipient of the judgment of God." Let's just say that Hagee is on to something. It would follow that the White House, Bush's ranch at Crawford, Chaney's house-wherever it is as it has been removed from google earth-and Rumsfeld's place had better be on hurricane watch...just exactly what color disaster alert that would be I'm not sure. After that Las Vegas had better duck!
Is McCain so stubborn that he will not be told who is friends can be? Is he not smart enough to know that he should distance himself from play-pastor Hagee? Does the endorsement come with so much juice that McCain just can't turn it down? Whatever it is I'm sure Mr.McCain feels he has his reasons for sticking to his guns even if it appears that he's lost his reason!
Senator McCain may be the next President of the United States of America. Is it just me or isn't anybody else worried as to how McCain will be made to repay his lunatic chum for the aforementioned endorsement? Ladies and gentlemen Pastor John Hagee America's new minister of...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Will Arnett...Great Man-Great Canadian

It's time to look at a comedic actor on the rise. The man of which I speak is none other than Will Arnett. This cat was born in Toronto Ontario back in 1970. Rather than just wax on about how funny this guy is and how we're all going to see more of him on the big screen and on our DVD players I want to first talk of his lineage. His dad...wait for it...his dad was the president and CEO of Molson Canadian Brewing Company. Now some of you might be saying "ah I'm not really into Molson" and to you I say hold thy tongue! Think of coming up in high school. The drinking age is 19 but you're barely 17 and you just wanna rock. "Don't worry lads I know where I can get some beer." Oh man it would be amazing. You'd be like the captain of the football team without having to play. The list of benefits both obvious and not so, stretch a mile long with having a dad running the beer show. But alas, this Toronto boy who literally could have swam in beer and cash walked away from the family business to pursue comedy. I could not have braved this path-well not being funny enough is one reason-but abandoning beer!! Saint Christopher in a beer mug no way! But I am not Will Arnett nor is he I. He moved to the states and made a go of it.
In 1994 he married actress Penelope Anne Miller. It didn't take; in 1995 they divorced. Later he shacked up with actress Missy Yager. Missy had bit parts here and there: NCIS, Las Vegas, 6 feet Under and even did an episode in the thankfully now defunct nauseating Ally Mc-waste my time-Beal. Her 'shacking' with Will lasted four years. In 2000 the funny man met actress Amy Poehler best known for Saturday Night Live. SNL which these days is hit and miss on the funny meter is blessed to have Amy's talent-the broad is funny.They tied the knot in 2003 and are still going strong which is quite a feat in Celebrity-world. Between 2006 and '07 Will was in seven films-most of which none of us saw. However one film did manage to burst from the seven film basement to make the A-list and that was none other than Blades of Glory. He acted along side his wife Amy where the two played brother and sister...a very close, brother and sister. Most people actually know Will from his character George 'Gob' Bluth on Arrested Development which few people watched but those that did said it was a grossly underrated show on which Will was hilarious. My favorite role of my Canadian brother was his character on 30 Rock. Will's character went head to head with Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin). Will plays a gay t.v. exec gunning for Jack's job while trying to get cozy with an innocent unsuspecting Page boy. It is hysterical. In fact Will sports a certain bathrobe in a style which is guaranteed to take Canada and the US by storm. All men, gay and straight will be lining up at Macy's and The Bay to cop this look!
You take a Canadian beer heir, throw in a couple of failed relationships one of which was a marriage; toss in some laughs and what do you get? Ladies and gentlemen what you get is Will Arnett- a great man, a great Canadian.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Woes of Kings and Princes

Well whadda ya know young Michael, I mean Michael who likes the young, Michael Jackson that is just might lose that Neverland ranch of his. He took out a 23 million dollar loan on it and is more than three months in arrears. (Please no puns here please). Apparently if he doesn't pay up the ranch goes to auction on March 19th in Santa Barbara. The dude bought it in 1987 and named it after the island in Peter Pan where kids never grow up. Oh come on if that ain't a man laying the groundwork for an alibi I don't know what is. "What? I'm just a kid and we're taking a shower together." But in fairness, or rather unfairness he did get acquitted back in 2005. And since then he claims he's never been back there. He was in Dubai for awhile and Vegas too. But what of the ranch and who's going to bid on it? Woody Alan? Does he have that kind of dough? Or R Kelly? Does he have that kind of scratch? O.K. now I'm creeping myself out. Next!!!!!!!!
Prince, the purple guy needs hip replacement surgery. Years of dancing and grinding with Darling Nicki I suppose took it's toll. Ah, let's be honest when you're 5'3'' and you wear platform boots and heels you're bound to screw up your hips and or back. But here's the kicker...or hip part. Rumor has it that his Jehovah Witness religion is not HIP to the blood transfusion gig so Prince may not go through with it. I remember when Michael Jackson first became a JW he tried to boycott his own videos and stuff. So we have the King of Pop and the Prince of Pop both JW's; one needing cash and one needing a new funky hip. Is there irony here? Or is there a conspiracy afoot? Is there more of a hidden connection here?
Hmmm Nah, one's a talented little kinda creepy guy named Prince who needs a hip and the other's a guy who looks more like a princess...a really ugly one, and is well...a pedophile.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Memoirs in Crayon

When we went into Iraq with the coalition of the willing...or coalition of the 'I want my share of the spoils please' a great deal of errors were made on the financial end of things. There were cost overruns, missing monies and all kinds of crap. But not to worry for Halliburton, Bechtel and other contractors got paid. Phew! As an explanation we were told by the Rumsfelds of the administration that 'hey there are knowables and unknowables and its difficult to know which are..." blah,blah,blah. Okay so they played the Oops card. No doubt at the briefings: "Now should anyone challenge our 'duh I don't know where the money went' approach just wrap yourself in the flag and we'll label them traitors and unpatriotic, it'll work like a charm."
When Katrina hit the gulf coast Bush eventually sent in the same Iraq reconstruction contractors. 'Look fellas we've got more business but this time we don't have to travel, plus we didn't have to level the city--the hurricane did it for us. What luck!'The lovable contractors need protection and who better than... ah, what was the name of that deadly military private security contractor loaded with mercenaries who don't have to answer to Geneva called again? Oh yeah BLACKWATER. That's correct y'all- Blackwater was hired by FEMA to protect the contractors from...looters. In Bushdumb-speak looters can translate to 'insurgent' in the blink of an eye. Forget the fact that these are Americans--poor Americans who've just been pulverized by Katrina and incidentally are not a military force. But Bush didn't care: Blackwater needed work and poor, broke and mostly black hurricane victims could turn lethal at any moment. The Iraqis may have hidden their weapons of mass destruction in Louisiana you never know. But wait a second, even Mamma Bush knew that the citizenry was not a threat when she enlightened us to the fact that "they" were better off packed like sardines in a stadium of decrepitude than the life they had before.
And just so we're all clear Bush put FEMA under the umbrella of Homeland Security or...Insecurity as I prefer to call it. Which kind of says 'hey America if you need rescuin' any time soon we're bringing deadly force along with us." It kinda puts a damper on the old camping trip idea. Let us also not forget that Blackwater has had more than a few dust ups with our own U.S. military over in Iraq and they've rarely been made to face the music. I guess that's why they call it friendly fire. And keep in mind that Blackwater is one of many, many, many private contractors over there in Iraq. The military contractor makes dozens of times the $$$ what a U.S. soldier makes and he operates with relative impunity. And this is who our fearless leader has hired..but we the tax payer are paying, to guard our own brothers and sisters.
If any of Bush's staffers who do his reading for him happen upon this blog entry please tell him this: Bush Jr. you are a Tyrant! And we all know it! You attacked a nation that did not threaten the United States, You have sanctioned torture, you have thrown hurricane victims to the wolves, you have freed all peoples with the name Bin laden the minute the towers came down when Osama bin Laden was suspect #1 and so on and so on. Take a moment before you write your memoirs in Crayon, ye of phony religiosity and pretend cowboy-hood and look in the mirror and realize that it is YOU that have always been the biggest threat to national security! And when you meet your maker which you so claim to believe in, you are headed for a world of serious hurt bub! Now watch this drive!

Castro...little known fact

It was the 1970's and there was Soviet, South African, U.S. and Cuban interest in Angola. There was a group called the Movement For The Liberation Of Angola (MPLA)-good guys. In the beginning Castro sent advisers to help the MPLA. Russia, Cuba's buddy wasn't totally enthused about committing money, troops and arms to the cause. The U.S.-and these were the days of Kissinger were interested in a certain oil rich area in the region. Kissinger claimed that the Russkies were heavily into the fight. (He had to spin it this way to get support.) The South African's then launched a secret invasion into the region in hopes of taking it over. Castro then said 'hell no' and eventually sent in 30,000 troops on his own dime, as the Russian said 'dude you're on your own'. The Cuban army defeated the South Africans putting down the secret invasion. Even after the defeat we (CIA) continued funding and supplied arms to a different rebel faction-bad guys. It didn't work. Neither Kissinger, Washington or the lovely U.S. press ever credited Castro with the victory. Or told the true version of the event for that matter. Years later Nelson Mandela thanked Cuba profusely for the effort and even that was somewhat buried in the back pages of a handful of newspapers.
For a far better account of the whole ordeal read:
Conflicting Missions-Havana, Washington and Africa By Piero Gleijeses.
This cat is a professor of American foreign policy at the School of Advanced International Studies at Johns Hopkins University. The book was published in Feb. 2003.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Ah McCain...but you said...

On the republican side of the race it is clear that McCain is out front. The G.O.P. sets up their primaries in a winner take all format and he's winning. Yesterday, Wednesday Feb. 13th the senate voted on a bill that would stop the C.I.A. from using harsh torture techniques on terror suspects. Yes, I said suspects. The result came down 51-45 in favor of the bill. Guess who was not in favor of the bill? You got it: John McCain-the man who would be President of this great nation. McCain was a torture victim in Viet Nam and lived to tell about it. He has long been opposed to torture and as recently as 2 and a half months ago he gave a powerful anti-torture speech. During the speech he even invoked the G-word. That would be Geneva convention. You know the convention that continues to harass Bush jr.
The media is not making as big a deal of this as they should. Big surprise there. But people who are aware of the story are asking why? Why the flip dude? And I thought you guys said Kerry was the only flipper around here. Here's the 411 baby dolls: McCain is in the lead but he ain't too popular with the hardcore conservatives. So what does he do? He makes a move that he hopes will gain him popularity with the base. This is a sign of the way he'll do things people. And if not an example of how he'll work then you can bet he's at least a guy who'll SAY anything. Either way Mr.McCain we ain't interested! Take it to the end of the line buddy.
Bush has kicked the crap out of Geneva; he's manipulated FISA; he's ignored the constitution and so on and so on. This move by McCain shows us that he's more than ready, as understudy to carry on the Bush administration B.S. These are scary times people, it's time time look, listen, learn and most of all STAND UP!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Oh Canada!

I remember making a vow many years ago that when the price of a beer hit 5 bucks in the bars I was gettin' out o' Dodge. Well 5 bucks came and went and I was still in Canada. After that it was the gray ceiling and relentless rain that coupled with the beer infringement put me over the edge. Alas I wound up in California. Life has been good. No complaints. And then out of nowhere Canada went and did something that made me very proud. No it was not the country's decision not to go to Iraq. Although that was cool and commendable it was something much bigger. A small group of Canadians created a television show. I'm referring to none other than: The Trailer Park Boys. This is one of the best shows to ever hit the tube period. The show is the brain child of Mike Clattenburg. He's the director, producer and head writer of the show. The man is a fricken genius. I purchase nothing online ever...with the exception of seasons one through six of TPB's. The show is in it's seventh season now and the scuttlebutt is that it's still bringin' the big laughs.
The three main bumbling characters are Ricky, Julian and (my favorite) Bubbles. Everybody has known guys like these or at least met them. You probably blew them off as idiots but if you watch this show you'll regret having not made these guys your buddies. Or actually you may have been an idiot like them either way the show is a must see. There are life lessons, drama, lots of laughs and of course the ridiculous. Oh and I almost forgot there is a healthy dose of slapstick. And you simply can't buy slapstick these days. Then you toss in a bit of the creepy and voila; amazing television.
The Trailer Park Boys is gospel and although I'm not moving back there as a result of the show please know that I'm damn proud to have lived on the same soil that comedic genius of this magnitude was born on and continues to live on. All hail TPB's.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Poetry Blowz...except this poem

Cheese and crackers and cupcakes too what happened to jolly old Mit
All that cash and no panache he just done up and quit
Or is it all good, all good in the hood 'cause McCain's gonna drive that train.
Or is it true what Rush doth say-that McCain is quite insane?
Hilary, she's hip and all but she's not the one for me
Husband Bill what's up with you? and all the tomfoolery?
Edwards seemed like a decent guy but now he's outta the pool
He ain't endorsin' me or you but hey man ah that's cool
It's a hell of a race, it's a hell of a chase but not for Guilliani
And Huckabee who's out of his tree ain't got nothin' to do with me
I'll load many beers on high, high pallets
while you go out and count the ballots
And when the smoke clears, I'll have celebratory beers when the President is Barack Obama

More Telemarketer Jazz

Here is another couple of calls I received in the lovely world of telemarketry. I'll play the part of Sweet Lou and the telemarketers will be TM:

SL: Hello
TM: Good evening who am I speaking to please?
SL: Do you mean to tell me you sat down and dialed my number with an area code and everything and you have to ask me who you called? Baby you're not off to a good start.

And that was it she hung up on me, as if I annoyed her.
Call #2

SL: Hello?
TM: Hi is SL there please.
SL: Oh yeah sure hang on a minute please.

I then put the phone down for 15 seconds.
SL: Hi I'm sorry who are you holding for?
SL: Oh yeah sure I just saw him, hang on

Another 15 seconds
SL: Sorry about that who can I say is calling?
TM: It's TM insurance
SL: Oh he was talking about that today, hang on I'll get him.

Another 15 seconds
SL: Hi this is SL who's calling?
(I could tell he knew something was up because I didn't alter my voice at all)

TM: I'm calling on behalf of TM insurance and-
SL: Oh no thanks dude I'm totally not interested in that, and I'm shocked you called.

Call #3

SL: Hello?
TM: Hi I'm Bob with TM insurance do you currently have life insurance?
SL: Bob you say with TM insurance?
TM: That's right
SL: How can I be sure? I've been scammed before ya know
TM: Sir I assure you that this is not a scam
SL: Dude I don't know. What city are you calling from?
TM: I can't give you that information sir, sorry
SL: How about your last name
TM: Sorry I can't--"
SL: Ya see, how can I know for sure that--"
TM: Sir, you'll find that our procedures are the same as any other company
SL: That's what the last telemarketing guy said and it was a scam
TM: Sir I can assure you that we are a legitimate company
SL: Okay I'll chance it, what are you selling today
TM: Well sir I was wondering if you have a life insurance policy?
SL: Oh yeah sure, and I've got a sweet deal to, but thanks for calling pal

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Any Giant Sunday!

Oh yes and what a beautiful Sunday it turned out to be. The nation predicted, nay prognosticated, nay guaranteed us that Tom Brady would lead his Pats to yet another victory. We heard ad nauseam that super bowl Sunday would in fact be "just another game..." for the Pats. Well all you Patriotic Blowhards are going to have to find another topic to blow hard about...oh and uh, try and be accurate this time would ya.
We were blissfully reminded of the beauty of football in that anything can happen on any given Sunday. And this Sunday belonged to the Giants' defense. What a scene, what a scene to witness the Giants awesome front four rumble left, right, center and over the patriots O-line and backs. Brady was rushed, hurried, knocked down and sacked to the point that it was more beautiful than a Botticelli painting. The sound of giant helmet bashing patriot helmet sounded sweeter than a harmony belted out by the Three Tenors on their best day. If you are still cloudy as to where my allegiance lies then let me be crystal clear: I back teams other than that of the cheating Pats. The Pats that were busted twice in one season for spying on other teams in the hopes that they would learn of their plays. Oh, but how the old childhood adage of "cheaters never prosper." rings like a thousand church bells.
From the opening kick off this game was physical to say the least. Helmets and pads crashed; players were slow to get up; and blood, sweat and Patriot tears flowed to the turf floor. This gridiron game was a throwback to the days of their gladiator ancestors. Never before has there been an example of defense winning a game to the point of sheer domination. The deer in the headlights look on Brady's countenance was nothing short of euphoric on a monumental scale. And now we continue on in our daily lives uplifted; a new energy to our outlook; a bounce in our step and a look in our eyes that says, "bring it on world for I am ready for thee!" And until next season we enjoy a life where we hear not of Patriots, Brady's, and perfect seasons. Instead we hear of a perfect defensive Super Bowl Sunday that was Super Bowl XLII!!!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

United We Patheticism

Once again I couldn't make it all of the way through the President's State of the Union address. As with other addresses he was talking loud and sayin' nothin' all to far too much applause. This is a practice that has got to stop regardless of who is running the show. The pep rally dog and pony show atmosphere is beyond nauseating.
When I heard the Commander in disbelief...I mean Chief talk of his $150 billion dollar economic stimulus package I gently turned off the radio with a mild expletive. Don't get me wrong I'm not laying all of this on the pseudo Texan's shoulders I'm pointing my guns at congress and most of my fellow and feline Americans as well. Does anyone care where this money is coming from? I have a few guesses. How about China, hell we're already into them for 1.4 trillion so what's a few more billion? Or maybe the big Kahuna is just going to print more dough and have the fed play with the rate again, that will make the dollar stronger for sure...NOT! One thing for sure is that this money will go to the deficit, which is to say the minus side, which is to say we have to pay it back. So when we get these rebates to beef up spending we'll have to pay it back but not the way you might think; they will just be forced to cut some kind of service here or there to pay it down... but we can be sure that 'you know who' won't be taxed right. I say I don't blame the President entirely because many Democrats are keeping quiet-hell some are even applauding this move. My short memory takes me to the sub-prime fiasco where lenders loaned to those that should not have borrowed. The quiet dems are gambling that if the stimulus works then they won't be on the record as trying to put the kibosh on the deal. Boy this reminds me of all of those democrats that agreed to go to war in Iraq for fear of going against popular opinion. (You see they chose going against logic, humanity and human decency for the possible promise of tomorrow's votes.) In a word;pathetic.
And wait, wait,wait I am not through with you dems of congress; you that vowed to do good have; okay'd, green lighted and rubber stamped every penny that Bush came to you for to fund his illegal war. Did you honestly not know what the fiscal cost would be or the cost of human lives.(Last I heard 4000 Americans, around 85 thousand Iraqis). Were your hands really tied? I think not. Were you laying in wait until you might win the next election and clean house then? Well if so it's a gutless nonproductive strategy that displays a major lack of bollix, stones, cajones, juevos...balls!
But is there any surprise that Bush has blown as much money as he has and tanked this economy? We all know how he failed at business venture after business venture during the days when his daddy was sat in the oval office. Now how hard would that be? Your pop is the President; he has major friends and connections in the highest of places and you've got unlimited amounts of start up cash. Yet, Arbusto et al went the way of the do do bird because the little decider (small 'd' in those days) made countless bone head business decisions.
And so here we are today; almost a trillion and a half bucks into China who is possibly looking to dump the treasury bonds in Euro's; social security cash-gone; U.S. dollar-malnourished and so much more. The war machine; Halliburton, Lockheed Martin are making record profits in rebuilding etc contracts. Bectel as well because the beauty of bombing the sh** out of a country and their communication system is you get big bucks (okay'd by congress) to rebuild it for them. Rumsfeld and Cheney are making a killing financially. (Rumsfeld refused to give up major amounts of stocks while he held his government position. More than likely illegal but did any democrat seriously go after him? Ah well, no) And the oil companies are showing record if you didn't already know. So ask yourselves this; do you think this administration, especially while being on its way out really cares what it does to this economy? They have their Saudi friends and now they have their massive military base atop the soil of the third largest oil producing country in the world. This is easy math people. Admit to your self centered simplistic outlook; admit to your apathy and stand tall in your malignant sea of patheticism!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

No Country for No Ending

Okay if you haven't already seen, No Country for Old Men then don't read this rant. I'm sorry but Hollywood film makers need to go back to school and relearn how to end a frickin' movie. No Country... was on track to being one of the best movies in decades in fact it would have taken up a spot in my top 5 fave flicks. For two to two and a half acts it moved along like an unstoppable locomotive of action, story and so on. But then Joel and Ethan decided to slowly choke the life and momentum out of the story.
Josh Brolin's character; the one we are rooting for gets capped. Fine, no problem but we don't get to see his demise. No going out in a blaze of glory, no accident, no suicide nothing. Instead we get Tommy Lee Jones showing up after it was all over. DUMB film choice; not showing (us)the viewer what the f$#@ happened. Woody Harrelson returns to the screen. Decent actor,likable. His character is a cocky bounty hunter type dude. We are baited into a eagerly awaiting the meeting of Woody and Crazy killer. Will Woody be able to put his money where his mouth is? Deep down inside we know he's going to bite it but at least we'll get good gun play or maybe another sadistic scene because we already know by this time that Javier Bardem's psychopath is well...totally psycho. So what happens? Woody walks up a staircase and the villain walks up behind him-game over. Oh boy hold the suspense phone until I get my heart pills I can't take it anymore. Why even have Woody in the movie? Hmm, couldn't tell you. Now then, getting to Tommy Lee, we have a sheriff who is obviously smarter than he looks, he's interesting a tad comical and more importantly he's a good investigator. Chances are he'll get the bad guy or at least go down in a shoot out with our villain. WRONG! Our fearless good guy follows the trail of the killer only to...retire at the end of the film. Instead of any form of action the sheriff goes out with what is meant to be a deep and moving monologue. The bad guy gets away fine, no big deal but it takes the longest slumbering 45 minutes to witness the dragged out demise of a potentially great movie.
The scuttlebutt is that the brothers Cohen stuck to the book ending. Thank god I didn't labor through the boring wordy papyrus of the book's ending. Hollywood ending 101: Move the movie along. Have a beginning a middle and a definitive ENDING!
And now we are at the end of this blog entry. There will be no more words which is to say goodbye but what is an ending to a blog anyway? Is one man's blog ending another man's blog entry. If I stop typing is that truly the end. OH NO! I've fallen into the dragged out ending, ending trap. Blast, I have become what I despise.
Bye for now...there will be a sequel to this blog entry by the way.