Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Island Of Doctor Murray

Doctor Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's personal physician has been charged with involuntary manslaughter. In lay terms the crime is basically an unintended accident that causes death. Voluntary manslaughter basically means, that a dude meant to kill someone but had no prior intent. This is often known as a "crime of passion". Dr. Murray falls into the involuntary category because the D.A. believes that Murray allegedly had no prior intent. The D.A.'s office probably arrived at their conclusion and subsequent charge due to the fact that Murray stood do make $150,000 per month accompanying Michael on the tour. Why bite the (gloved) hand that feeds ya?

Murray plead not guilty. The D.A. asked for bail to be set at $300,000. The D.A. shot high because the L.A. D.A. is a bit of a shaky D.A. what with the celebrity acquittals of O.J Simpson and Robert Blake. Not to mention the almost acquittal of music producer Phil Spector. Bail is usually set at $25,000 in California for a case like this. Alas, the judge finally settled on $75,000 which Murray paid and now he's out. If found guilty the maximum Dr.Conrad Murray would get is four years in a state prison. You Jackson fans may think that wouldn't be enough but we are talking prison, not jail. There is a big difference: prison is a harder place with harder guys. Many of which are Jackson fans with their own standard of right and wrong. Even if he were to be separated from general pop he could still be 'got' to. (If there is any truth to countless Hollywood prison movies that is).

Now that Murray is out he's free to practice medicine and is licensed to do so in Texas, Nevada and California; although the Cal-board of Doc-deciders is looking to pull his license as I write and you read. The Judge added a sweet little gem before the gavel dropped and that was that Murray is not allowed to prescribe anesthetics, especially Propofol. Propofol was the cocktail, or 'milk' as Michael called it, that the Doc cooked up to curb Michael's insomnia. How'd that work out for ya Doc?


Cue voice over of Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer: The following takes place between now and Dr. Murray's trial in April:

"...ah yeah Doc I need something fast for this back pain. And now that you're about to be sent up for just shy of a nickel, I take it your rates have come down a little?"

"Ah, er, yes. Mind you I can't prescribe Popofol, my old stand by, but I can prescribe everything in this pile which I've never prescribed and know precious little about. Are ya up for it? Come on, live a little. Give a Doc break."

To listen to the media, which I don't, it doesn't look good for old Doc Murray. But it should be an interesting trial because once again it has that slam dunk feel to it. But so did the O.J. and Blake trial.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Knockers & Nuts

Get this: The Australian government is banning adult publications and films featuring women with small breasts. The idea according to officials is to curb pedophilia. Did somebody just make that inquisitive sound that Skooby Doo used to make? Yeah me too. They reason that small breasts are typically found on girls under age 18 and this law would be one way to crack down on the hiring of under age girls. Ah, why not enforce the existing laws that crack down on these hiring practices? Maybe I'm missing the point. A point which is a reach. The Aussie powers that be, believe that if you have a young woman even of legal age, but with small breasts in a film or publication the pedophiles in the audience will observe said publication and head straight for the Aussie Chucky Cheese and troll the parking lots for prey. This is a hell of stretch, mates. Could this be a case of 'the right idea with the wrong execution,or something else?'

Sounds to me like the Aussie Deciders many of which no doubt grew up together playing Aussie rules football are a bunch of males pushing for a society of big boobs only. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the government smart guys are in league with the plastic surgeons lobby. Boob jobs on the rise-kickbacks to gov't officials behind the ban. Its a no-brainer.

Tread carefully mates, for there be a slippery slope thou are not aware of! This could lead to the high powered women in the Aussie parliament forging a ban of their own on men with low hanging fruit sacks. And they too could be in bed with the plastic surgeon lobby. All men with low hanging berries (no doubt some in parliament) would be forced to shell out dough for nut tucks. And that ain't all. The slope would continue to become slipperier as actor Paul Hogan a.k.a Crocodile Dundee would come out of retirement and form an Australian punk rock band called, Croc Dundee and the Nut Tucks. (Or Croc's Nut Tucks for the hip)Noooooooooooooo! Stop the madness.

Yo, government dudes, please: beautiful women come with breasts of all different sizes and for the love of god let a berry in a sack hang where a berry in a sack wants to hang.