Friday, January 15, 2010

The Mayor Of Everywhere

When I'm the mayor of everywhere I'm going to make some changes that you can bet you'd better believe in. First of all, picture this if you will; you're driving along in your ride minding your own business. The car in front of you tosses his cigarette out the window. The butt bounces around maybe under your car, maybe into the next lane who knows? What we do know is that the tosser doesn't give a sh** where it goes because it's no longer his problem. Those days will be over when I'm mayor of it all. That dude will be pulled over and fined $2000 on the spot. This fine may seem high. In fact it's probably double your standard litter infraction. When one litters they are a prick no doubt, but it could be that they are dumping their refuse because they don't have a garbage bag in their car. As far as I know vehicles today still roll off the production line with built in ashtrays. The smoker need merely load up the ashtray and unload it at HOME when it's full. But he does not and therefore he's a litterer and an asshole. Hence, in my world he'll be popped $2000.


Here's how the dough will break down: $200 will go directly to my pocket for expenses such as stationary, drum sticks and beer. $800 will go towards highways and road maintenance. And now the fun part; the remaining $1000 will be dispersed to my citizens in the form of a reduction in their car registration fee and/or insurance rate. And that is how its all going to break down brothers and sisters, so smoke em' if ya got em' just don't dump em' on my roads unless you're ready to donate to society and your mayor's beer fund!