Friday, April 18, 2008

Calling All Techno-nerds

I got a call or a text rather, recently from a friend of mine. My cell frantically alerted me that I should visit my inbox.Once there I learned that I should race to the internet and once there I should enter a certain code; at that time I will be brought to a message in the form of an email which is in fact addressed to me. Just to wrap up: My phone rings to tell me to go to my inbox which tells me I have a text message which is in fact an email on the internet. My thoughts: ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME? Do you know what this is? It is a technological easter egg hunt. Even as a kid I hated easter egg hunts. Look Ma and Pa either give me the candy or dangle, amscray, drift, take it on the heel and toe, I ain't got time to work for candy. I still hate easter egg hunts even of-no correction, especially of the tech variety. When I was coming up people use to have conversations. When they could not be face to face they used the telephone and spoke into the handset and voila, you knew what the hell it was that they wanted. Alexander Graham Bell must be looking at us and saying, 'you guys are idiots'. And I agree with him.
I never did follow the technological cyber trail. Instead I called my friend a had an actual conversation with her which is where two people talk and figure it all out.
Listen up techno-nerds just because technology is new does not mean it necessarily advances humanity. 70 percent of new tech blows: gets discarded, then gets replaced and costs all of us time and friggin' money. Wait! Hold! Take a moment, think it through and then invent something useful. Now run to your techy bunsen burner and create a home computer that turns tap water into beer!

Hilly Baby Gone Crazy

Hillary, Hillary, Hillary when you claimed that you were under sniper fire during your visit to Bosnia and it later came out that the opposite was true you told the world-during your presidential bid- that you 'misspoke'. Nobody bought it, not even you. But like everything else in this ADHD nation we forgot about it and moved on. And now you've accused Barack of being elitist. I repeat: You accuse Barack of being elitist. If last time you misspoke then this time you have lied. Oh wait a minute misspeaking is in fact lying. Okay I need to work on that one. Anyway, you not-so young lady went to Wellesley (sp)-elite private school. You were on the board of directors of Wal Mart. Not too common a gig except for perhaps an elite type of gal. You attended Yale. You were a first lady. You were in the position to lend 5 million bucks to yourself. Sorry babe but all that and more put you in the big E category.
Obama's father left when he was young so he was raised by a single mother. When he attended school he was only able to do so with student loan money. I could go on about Barack's struggle but we both know it's not necessary.
Hillary you are stooping so low it is becoming a tad laughable. You are behaving like the potential prom queen who's been stood up by the captain of the football team and your on a crazed revenge kick! This latest ironical misspeaking of yours reminds me of when the Repubs challenged Kerry's war record all while the bufoonish Bush had a paper military record. Look, both sides of the ailse can play dirty politics but the Democrats pride themselves on not playing Republican politics. What the hell would you call this Hilly baby? Should we call you Hillary Clintublican?
My suggestion to you is that you bow out possible, and hope for a somewhat significant cabinet posting and start working WITH Barack because I remind you that he is in fact a Democrat which would put him on the same side as you, or am I misspeaking on that? And while your at it put a gag order on the limelight grabbing blowhard husband of yours cause he isn't helping nobody. (Incidentally 'helping nobody' is non-elitist for 'helping anybody' so don't bother correcting my English). See youze on the back bench Hilly baby!