Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Customer Service…Well Waddayaknow?

If any of you read my blog post entitled: Customer Service…Call Me--( Friday June 28th 2013) wait a
minute, of course you read it. But if by chance it slipped past you fear not, I'll bring you up to speed in this post. At the close of a call with AT&T I was asked, "…is there anything I can help you with now that might arise in the next 30 days?"(or words to that effect). I thought the question odd.

Just the other day I was on the blower with Time Warner Cable and at the conclusion of the conversation I was asked, "Is there anything I can help you with now that may arise in the next 3 days?"

Ah ha! Two different businesses with nearly identical scripts. Methinks theft of trade secrets are afoot. Clearly there's a mole over at AT&T feeding customer service high-quality dialog to Time Warner Cable. Maybe it goes both ways. If that's the case it's got to be expensive to defend against this sort of cyber theft--which would explain the rising cost of these services, Si? or No?"

When the familiar question met my ears I was ready for it with my over-sized-customer-service-phone-call-catcher's mitt.

"That question confuses me," I said.

"Well sir at the moment I'm able to facilitate certain things depending on what issues you might have in the next 3 days."

"If everything is cool now but say my cable goes out tomorrow how do I ask you to 'facilitate' me now?"

Clearly she'd see that without the capability of time travel we were…well…here in the now.

"It is my hope that you're cable won't go out tomorrow," she said.

"Well thanks for hoping doll. But let's try this: if neither one of us is psychic we can't really know what the next 3 days has in store right? It just seems like an odd question," I say displaying above average intellect.

"I'm sorry my question strikes you as odd, sir."

"No, no need to apologize but I'm guessing the guys or gals upstairs want you to ask the question. Does it in any way strike you as odd?"

"Again, I apologize if my question seems odd, sir."

Why I insisted on staying on this merry-go-round of question d' oddity confused even me.

"Again, don't apologize your'e doing a great job. And if this call is being recorded for quality assurance: 'fellas, Jen's doing a great job over here'."

She chuckled for the first time, "Thank you sir. So is there anything that I can help you with now that may arise in the next 3 days?"

ol' school customer service baby!
Here we go again. "No I think I'm good. And I guess you probably need to get back to work. Oh wait I do have a question."

"Yes sir."

"Ok, are there any discounts or promos going on right now that I should know about?" I asked.

"Well sir it says here that you've been a good customer so I can take $30 of your next month's bill."


"Yes sir."

"No bullshit?"

"Sir please."

"Sorry about that. But really? You can blast out $30 just because I'm a swell guy?"

"Uh-huh," she chirped.

"Dang! And thank you!"

"You're welcome sir. Is there anything else I can help you with that might arise within the next 3 days?"

"Well yes there is."

"Go ahead sir."

"Can you blast out another $30 from my bill? Or perhaps $40?" I asked putting as much cute in my
Time to lay the 'cute' on!
voice as I could muster.

She laughed, "Not at this time sir."

"Well ya can't blame a guy for asking, right?"

"No sir I cannot. You have a pleasant day."