Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Woes of Kings and Princes

Well whadda ya know young Michael, I mean Michael who likes the young, Michael Jackson that is just might lose that Neverland ranch of his. He took out a 23 million dollar loan on it and is more than three months in arrears. (Please no puns here please). Apparently if he doesn't pay up the ranch goes to auction on March 19th in Santa Barbara. The dude bought it in 1987 and named it after the island in Peter Pan where kids never grow up. Oh come on if that ain't a man laying the groundwork for an alibi I don't know what is. "What? I'm just a kid and we're taking a shower together." But in fairness, or rather unfairness he did get acquitted back in 2005. And since then he claims he's never been back there. He was in Dubai for awhile and Vegas too. But what of the ranch and who's going to bid on it? Woody Alan? Does he have that kind of dough? Or R Kelly? Does he have that kind of scratch? O.K. now I'm creeping myself out. Next!!!!!!!!
Prince, the purple guy needs hip replacement surgery. Years of dancing and grinding with Darling Nicki I suppose took it's toll. Ah, let's be honest when you're 5'3'' and you wear platform boots and heels you're bound to screw up your hips and or back. But here's the kicker...or hip part. Rumor has it that his Jehovah Witness religion is not HIP to the blood transfusion gig so Prince may not go through with it. I remember when Michael Jackson first became a JW he tried to boycott his own videos and stuff. So we have the King of Pop and the Prince of Pop both JW's; one needing cash and one needing a new funky hip. Is there irony here? Or is there a conspiracy afoot? Is there more of a hidden connection here?
Hmmm Nah, one's a talented little kinda creepy guy named Prince who needs a hip and the other's a guy who looks more like a princess...a really ugly one, and is well...a pedophile.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Memoirs in Crayon

When we went into Iraq with the coalition of the willing...or coalition of the 'I want my share of the spoils please' a great deal of errors were made on the financial end of things. There were cost overruns, missing monies and all kinds of crap. But not to worry for Halliburton, Bechtel and other contractors got paid. Phew! As an explanation we were told by the Rumsfelds of the administration that 'hey there are knowables and unknowables and its difficult to know which are..." blah,blah,blah. Okay so they played the Oops card. No doubt at the briefings: "Now should anyone challenge our 'duh I don't know where the money went' approach just wrap yourself in the flag and we'll label them traitors and unpatriotic, it'll work like a charm."
When Katrina hit the gulf coast Bush eventually sent in the same Iraq reconstruction contractors. 'Look fellas we've got more business but this time we don't have to travel, plus we didn't have to level the city--the hurricane did it for us. What luck!'The lovable contractors need protection and who better than... ah, what was the name of that deadly military private security contractor loaded with mercenaries who don't have to answer to Geneva called again? Oh yeah BLACKWATER. That's correct y'all- Blackwater was hired by FEMA to protect the contractors from...looters. In Bushdumb-speak looters can translate to 'insurgent' in the blink of an eye. Forget the fact that these are Americans--poor Americans who've just been pulverized by Katrina and incidentally are not a military force. But Bush didn't care: Blackwater needed work and poor, broke and mostly black hurricane victims could turn lethal at any moment. The Iraqis may have hidden their weapons of mass destruction in Louisiana you never know. But wait a second, even Mamma Bush knew that the citizenry was not a threat when she enlightened us to the fact that "they" were better off packed like sardines in a stadium of decrepitude than the life they had before.
And just so we're all clear Bush put FEMA under the umbrella of Homeland Security or...Insecurity as I prefer to call it. Which kind of says 'hey America if you need rescuin' any time soon we're bringing deadly force along with us." It kinda puts a damper on the old camping trip idea. Let us also not forget that Blackwater has had more than a few dust ups with our own U.S. military over in Iraq and they've rarely been made to face the music. I guess that's why they call it friendly fire. And keep in mind that Blackwater is one of many, many, many private contractors over there in Iraq. The military contractor makes dozens of times the $$$ what a U.S. soldier makes and he operates with relative impunity. And this is who our fearless leader has hired..but we the tax payer are paying, to guard our own brothers and sisters.
If any of Bush's staffers who do his reading for him happen upon this blog entry please tell him this: Bush Jr. you are a Tyrant! And we all know it! You attacked a nation that did not threaten the United States, You have sanctioned torture, you have thrown hurricane victims to the wolves, you have freed all peoples with the name Bin laden the minute the towers came down when Osama bin Laden was suspect #1 and so on and so on. Take a moment before you write your memoirs in Crayon, ye of phony religiosity and pretend cowboy-hood and look in the mirror and realize that it is YOU that have always been the biggest threat to national security! And when you meet your maker which you so claim to believe in, you are headed for a world of serious hurt bub! Now watch this drive!

Castro...little known fact

It was the 1970's and there was Soviet, South African, U.S. and Cuban interest in Angola. There was a group called the Movement For The Liberation Of Angola (MPLA)-good guys. In the beginning Castro sent advisers to help the MPLA. Russia, Cuba's buddy wasn't totally enthused about committing money, troops and arms to the cause. The U.S.-and these were the days of Kissinger were interested in a certain oil rich area in the region. Kissinger claimed that the Russkies were heavily into the fight. (He had to spin it this way to get support.) The South African's then launched a secret invasion into the region in hopes of taking it over. Castro then said 'hell no' and eventually sent in 30,000 troops on his own dime, as the Russian said 'dude you're on your own'. The Cuban army defeated the South Africans putting down the secret invasion. Even after the defeat we (CIA) continued funding and supplied arms to a different rebel faction-bad guys. It didn't work. Neither Kissinger, Washington or the lovely U.S. press ever credited Castro with the victory. Or told the true version of the event for that matter. Years later Nelson Mandela thanked Cuba profusely for the effort and even that was somewhat buried in the back pages of a handful of newspapers.
For a far better account of the whole ordeal read:
Conflicting Missions-Havana, Washington and Africa By Piero Gleijeses.
This cat is a professor of American foreign policy at the School of Advanced International Studies at Johns Hopkins University. The book was published in Feb. 2003.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Ah McCain...but you said...

On the republican side of the race it is clear that McCain is out front. The G.O.P. sets up their primaries in a winner take all format and he's winning. Yesterday, Wednesday Feb. 13th the senate voted on a bill that would stop the C.I.A. from using harsh torture techniques on terror suspects. Yes, I said suspects. The result came down 51-45 in favor of the bill. Guess who was not in favor of the bill? You got it: John McCain-the man who would be President of this great nation. McCain was a torture victim in Viet Nam and lived to tell about it. He has long been opposed to torture and as recently as 2 and a half months ago he gave a powerful anti-torture speech. During the speech he even invoked the G-word. That would be Geneva convention. You know the convention that continues to harass Bush jr.
The media is not making as big a deal of this as they should. Big surprise there. But people who are aware of the story are asking why? Why the flip dude? And I thought you guys said Kerry was the only flipper around here. Here's the 411 baby dolls: McCain is in the lead but he ain't too popular with the hardcore conservatives. So what does he do? He makes a move that he hopes will gain him popularity with the base. This is a sign of the way he'll do things people. And if not an example of how he'll work then you can bet he's at least a guy who'll SAY anything. Either way Mr.McCain we ain't interested! Take it to the end of the line buddy.
Bush has kicked the crap out of Geneva; he's manipulated FISA; he's ignored the constitution and so on and so on. This move by McCain shows us that he's more than ready, as understudy to carry on the Bush administration B.S. These are scary times people, it's time time look, listen, learn and most of all STAND UP!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Oh Canada!

I remember making a vow many years ago that when the price of a beer hit 5 bucks in the bars I was gettin' out o' Dodge. Well 5 bucks came and went and I was still in Canada. After that it was the gray ceiling and relentless rain that coupled with the beer infringement put me over the edge. Alas I wound up in California. Life has been good. No complaints. And then out of nowhere Canada went and did something that made me very proud. No it was not the country's decision not to go to Iraq. Although that was cool and commendable it was something much bigger. A small group of Canadians created a television show. I'm referring to none other than: The Trailer Park Boys. This is one of the best shows to ever hit the tube period. The show is the brain child of Mike Clattenburg. He's the director, producer and head writer of the show. The man is a fricken genius. I purchase nothing online ever...with the exception of seasons one through six of TPB's. The show is in it's seventh season now and the scuttlebutt is that it's still bringin' the big laughs.
The three main bumbling characters are Ricky, Julian and (my favorite) Bubbles. Everybody has known guys like these or at least met them. You probably blew them off as idiots but if you watch this show you'll regret having not made these guys your buddies. Or actually you may have been an idiot like them either way the show is a must see. There are life lessons, drama, lots of laughs and of course the ridiculous. Oh and I almost forgot there is a healthy dose of slapstick. And you simply can't buy slapstick these days. Then you toss in a bit of the creepy and voila; amazing television.
The Trailer Park Boys is gospel and although I'm not moving back there as a result of the show please know that I'm damn proud to have lived on the same soil that comedic genius of this magnitude was born on and continues to live on. All hail TPB's.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Poetry Blowz...except this poem

Cheese and crackers and cupcakes too what happened to jolly old Mit
All that cash and no panache he just done up and quit
Or is it all good, all good in the hood 'cause McCain's gonna drive that train.
Or is it true what Rush doth say-that McCain is quite insane?
Hilary, she's hip and all but she's not the one for me
Husband Bill what's up with you? and all the tomfoolery?
Edwards seemed like a decent guy but now he's outta the pool
He ain't endorsin' me or you but hey man ah that's cool
It's a hell of a race, it's a hell of a chase but not for Guilliani
And Huckabee who's out of his tree ain't got nothin' to do with me
I'll load many beers on high, high pallets
while you go out and count the ballots
And when the smoke clears, I'll have celebratory beers when the President is Barack Obama

More Telemarketer Jazz

Here is another couple of calls I received in the lovely world of telemarketry. I'll play the part of Sweet Lou and the telemarketers will be TM:

SL: Hello
TM: Good evening who am I speaking to please?
SL: Do you mean to tell me you sat down and dialed my number with an area code and everything and you have to ask me who you called? Baby you're not off to a good start.

And that was it she hung up on me, as if I annoyed her.
Call #2

SL: Hello?
TM: Hi is SL there please.
SL: Oh yeah sure hang on a minute please.

I then put the phone down for 15 seconds.
SL: Hi I'm sorry who are you holding for?
SL: Oh yeah sure I just saw him, hang on

Another 15 seconds
SL: Sorry about that who can I say is calling?
TM: It's TM insurance
SL: Oh he was talking about that today, hang on I'll get him.

Another 15 seconds
SL: Hi this is SL who's calling?
(I could tell he knew something was up because I didn't alter my voice at all)

TM: I'm calling on behalf of TM insurance and-
SL: Oh no thanks dude I'm totally not interested in that, and I'm shocked you called.

Call #3

SL: Hello?
TM: Hi I'm Bob with TM insurance do you currently have life insurance?
SL: Bob you say with TM insurance?
TM: That's right
SL: How can I be sure? I've been scammed before ya know
TM: Sir I assure you that this is not a scam
SL: Dude I don't know. What city are you calling from?
TM: I can't give you that information sir, sorry
SL: How about your last name
TM: Sorry I can't--"
SL: Ya see, how can I know for sure that--"
TM: Sir, you'll find that our procedures are the same as any other company
SL: That's what the last telemarketing guy said and it was a scam
TM: Sir I can assure you that we are a legitimate company
SL: Okay I'll chance it, what are you selling today
TM: Well sir I was wondering if you have a life insurance policy?
SL: Oh yeah sure, and I've got a sweet deal to, but thanks for calling pal

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Any Giant Sunday!

Oh yes and what a beautiful Sunday it turned out to be. The nation predicted, nay prognosticated, nay guaranteed us that Tom Brady would lead his Pats to yet another victory. We heard ad nauseam that super bowl Sunday would in fact be "just another game..." for the Pats. Well all you Patriotic Blowhards are going to have to find another topic to blow hard about...oh and uh, try and be accurate this time would ya.
We were blissfully reminded of the beauty of football in that anything can happen on any given Sunday. And this Sunday belonged to the Giants' defense. What a scene, what a scene to witness the Giants awesome front four rumble left, right, center and over the patriots O-line and backs. Brady was rushed, hurried, knocked down and sacked to the point that it was more beautiful than a Botticelli painting. The sound of giant helmet bashing patriot helmet sounded sweeter than a harmony belted out by the Three Tenors on their best day. If you are still cloudy as to where my allegiance lies then let me be crystal clear: I back teams other than that of the cheating Pats. The Pats that were busted twice in one season for spying on other teams in the hopes that they would learn of their plays. Oh, but how the old childhood adage of "cheaters never prosper." rings like a thousand church bells.
From the opening kick off this game was physical to say the least. Helmets and pads crashed; players were slow to get up; and blood, sweat and Patriot tears flowed to the turf floor. This gridiron game was a throwback to the days of their gladiator ancestors. Never before has there been an example of defense winning a game to the point of sheer domination. The deer in the headlights look on Brady's countenance was nothing short of euphoric on a monumental scale. And now we continue on in our daily lives uplifted; a new energy to our outlook; a bounce in our step and a look in our eyes that says, "bring it on world for I am ready for thee!" And until next season we enjoy a life where we hear not of Patriots, Brady's, and perfect seasons. Instead we hear of a perfect defensive Super Bowl Sunday that was Super Bowl XLII!!!