Celebrities N' Me

The story that follows is true. It was 1994. Five or Six other musicians, dudes, crammed into my bachelor suite for beers on a Friday night. We were broke music school students with nary an interested chick in any one of us. To summarize; we were losers. It was 1:45 in the morning and we had six beers remaining in the ice box. Two blocks away 7-11 sold beer until 2 am. I was going on a beer run. The knucklheads tried to convince me that each would only have one more beer each. Morons! As if anybody can truly stick to such a ridiculous proclamation during the heat of rockin'. I was going with or without em'. They all accompanied.

In the 7-11 parking lot I spied a girl who looked incredibly familiar. She glared at me as if I was staring. Fair enough, I thought, for I was staring. But when she cast her scornful look it was then that I knew her to be Drew Barrymore. I was and still am of fan of Drew. A young dude was in the car with her, and their conversation looked intense. Being three sheets to the wind, half cut and semi pie eyed I approached the car gracelessly and began calling...o.k. shouting, "Drew, baby, Drew, o.k. here's the deal, I'm gonna buy some beers and we're all going back to my place. You're in, ya gotta be. Come on Drew its you and me baby!"

She told me to go away but she laughed when she did it. Not a good move to a hammered fan such as yours truly. That laugh was a green light for this A-hole. I upped the anti and threw more pathetic pleading dialog. In a panic I noted the time and ran inside to purchase my 18 pack of beer. The other guys were on their own as far as hooch. I handed my stash to my buddy Brian and went back to Drew's ride.

She and the lad were back at the heavy dialog, which clearly needed interruption. I informed Drew that I had the beer, now all I needed was her. She wasn't bitin'-duh! By this time the dude in the passenger seat was giving me his best tough guy stare, so naturally I reached up to the roof of the car and began shaking it back and forth and shouting, "Come on Drew, its you and me doll!" Drew began frantically trying to put her key in the ignition while yelling ,"Stop!" But, and this is huge, she could not stop laughing. In fact, she was almost in tears as she kept missing the ignition. Meanwhile the cat kept eye balling me while attempting not to shake. I finally stopped and Drew fired up the car. She was still laughing as she said, "My god you are crazy! Bye!"

By this time a crowd had gathered and were laughing too. The security guards knew me from, ahem, most weekend nights and did nothing but call me loco! One month later Drew married some guy. The marriage lasted no more than a month. The guy in the car that night was not the husband. What I think we witnessed was Drew dumping the guy for the new husband.

Two months later I'm having coffee on Melsose avenue, sitting outside. Up walks Drew Barrymore and starts talking to a girl at the table beside me. I kid you not. She looks over at me three times before scrunching up her brow and says, "hi." to me.
I say, "Hiya Drew." She looks at me as if she's trying to place my face. I offer nothing as I am now sober in broad daylight. She smiled again and went back to her conversation.

I enjoyed my time with Drew as I'm sure she enjoyed her time with me. Or not. And I may not have rocked her world but I definitely rocked her car.