Uber Tales

I picked up two riders about two months ago not far from the USC campus. I'd put them both early 20's let's say 21. The caucasian guy was 5'9'' and thickly built with a buzz cut. His buddy was a black guy with a slender build that topped out at 6'1'' and had light brown dreadlocks to the shoulder.

The exact moment they slid into my car I was engulfed in a fog of heavy marijuana fumes. My mind turned to the nostalgic as I remembered my days when I occasionally bumped up against those who partook in…ahem, weed…ahem.

"What's up fellas?" I ask.

"Not much how are you sir?" Dreadlocks asks.

"I'm good. Where're you guys headed?'

Buzz Cut pipes in, "We're only going like three fuckin' blocks." This was followed by his stoner's laugh.

"That's not true dude," Drealock adds. "It's more like three miles so there's like no way we could walk that shit," he giggles.

"Cool," I say and ease into traffic. They'd entered their destination through the Uber app and as it turned out they were going closer to three miles than three blocks. The lads exchanged low voiced anecdotes about 'this chick and that one' and 'this weed and that bud'. Giggling was in abundance as was plenty of back and forth insults which they found hilarious.

I joined in after one of Dreadlock's ridiculous ribs to his buddy. This caused them to relax and engage me in their conversation. Obviously my laughter appeased any thoughts they may have had about me being a narc or worse…a square.

We're only going like 3 blocks...

"…see dude even the fuckin' Uber dude thinks its funny."

At that point the three of us were close to belly laughing. I don't know if I was basking in memories of old or I was stoned due to proximity…a contact high if you will. Gradually the conversation moved from chicks and weed to booze. Things really got rolling when Buzz Cut offered Dreadlocks and I a powerful and heartfelt political theorem.

"Dude, straight up, if I was in Washington at the White House or whatever--"

"What do you mean 'or whatever' you're either in the White House or your not dumbass. How did you get into college anyway?" (more laughter)

"Shut up dude, let me finish. Ok so if I was in power I'd change the drinking age to like fuckin' 18."

"Why?" Dreadlocks asks.

I continuously checked Buzz Cut in my rearview mirror as it was hilarious to watch his face contort in an effort to focus on defending his thesis.

"Why? Because the drinking age of 21 is unsafe."

"Unsafe?" Dreadlocks and I say in unison…which brought more laughs.

"Yeah its totally unsafe. Look imagine like you're a kid and you're like 18 so ya pretty much have to get drunk because you're a kid who's 18, right?"

"Right," we agree in laughter.

"Right so you're 18 and drunk in public because ya can't stay home all the time--so you're drunk and funkin' 18--"

"We know dumbass-get to the unsafe part," Dreadlock pleads.

"I'm trying but you fuckin' guys keep interrupting me!"

I hadn't realized that I was a 'fuckin guy' that interrupts. By this time I had tears running down my cheeks; and I was happy that traffic was at a near standstill because I didn't want this 'high' to end. Plus I had to know about California's unsafe drinking age of 21 and over.

"Ok," he continues. "So, you're drunk and 18 and then a cop shows up and this kid is drunk so the cop is like 'dude, I'm not trying to be a dick but I've totally go to fuckin' arrest you…cause you're like 18 and fuckin' drunk and shit."

I'm not tyring to be a dick..

Dreadlocks and I lose it. Buzz Cut joins in the laughter but every now and again asks us 'what's so fuckin' funny?' until finally he says, "fuck you guys."

After the laughter subsides Dreadlocks asks, "Seriously dude, that is why the drinking age is unsafe? You're hilarious dude!"

"What? Driver, sorry, Mr. Driver you agree with me right? right?"

(**Mr. Driver)

"Yes, I agree, " I said. "The drinking age should be 18 otherwise a cop's totally going to fuckin' arrest you." I wasn't able to say the whole sentence without laughing. Nevertheless Buzz Cut jumped up and down in his seat shouting, "See! See!" Thesis defended!

Two minutes later I pulled to the curb. The two buddies remained in their seats. Finally, I let them know that we'd arrived at their destination.

"Oh, shit I forgot we were even going anywhere," says Buzz Cut. "I thought we were just fuckin' driving around with you--fuck."

With another huge round of laughs the two lads tumbled out of my car. I was still laughing as I eased back into traffic. For the previous 15 minutes I felt as though I was 21 years old and stoned with my two best friends. In that time I went from Uber Dude, to Fuckin' Guy, to finally, Mr. Driver. I slid into a Chevron station bought a bag of chips, leaned against my car and tore the bag open. I chcuckled from time to time at the memory of the ride. Half way through the chip bag I laughed a little heartier thinking that maybe I did have a contact high; for what does one do when one is stoned and gets the munchies?…he buys himself a bag of chips!