Governor Wallflower

I never intended to give Sarah Palin any blog space, as I believe that she is quite nothing, that far too much ado, is being made of. However, why should everybody else have all of the fun. What about this wolf business? Alaska has a predator control program dating back to the 1940's, believe it or not. It comes with living up in the high country in the wild. Or, comes with the territory if you will. Frank Murkowski,the governor previous to Palin put his sites on wolves. The thinking was that the wolf was knocking off too many moose and caribou. Murkowski enacted legislation allowing wildlife officials to mount up (in a plane) and shoot the beasts from the air. Palin first took the governor down via election and then amped things up against the wolf. She kept Murkowski's deal in place...and then some. She wrote legislation that would allow pretty much anybody with a license and a gun, trapper's snare or slingshot to head out and start killing. Proof of kill was to be the left front paw of the animal. For this, the newly deputized lad or lass would be paid $150. I wonder how many hunters would bring in the right paw as well and try the old two paw monty in an attempt at getting $300 for one wolf. I sure hope they have a strong Department of Left Front Wolf Paw Authentication up there!
Defender's of Wildlife, a branch of the Sierra Club squawked to a state judge about the inhumanity of it all and the judge bought it. He claimed that Palin did not have the authority to cut bounty checks to trigger happy yahoos like Yosemite Sam. But, Palin would not go quietly! She moved the goalposts. She ruled that the predator control program would no longer be overseen by the Department of Fish and Game, but rather Alaska's Board of Game...whose members are appointed by Sarah Palin. O.K. maybe she more than moved the posts. In this, she actually bought the referee and slept with the opposing team's coach.
The state officials along with Palin believe that the wolf is responsible for killing over 80% of the moose and caribou population while hunters take less than 10%. 172 scientists petitioned for Palin to stop this madness. They know the wolf to be a scavenger by nature and that 60-70 percent of his meals are scavenged. But as we all know, Lady Creationism don't need no stinking scientists.
The reason Palin augmented former governor Murkowski's plan was that she felt that not enough wolves were being killed, and not fast enough. The predator control guys claimed that they were having trouble finding wolves. Yo, governor Wallflower, I have a question for you: Could the killing slow down be a result of the killing that the predator control (more like out of control) guys have already done?

Alive and Well

A personal training outfit opened up near my studio. Flying under the name Crossfit, their workouts boast a cross between vintage strongman and the 300 workout. (The actors of the movie, 300, underwent this special workout). Two partners run the business: the dude is an ex-Olympic weight lifter and the woman a former collegiate rower. Their business has been growing at a decent rate over the last three months. I introduced myself and found them to be nice people. They told me that they hoped their good friends occupy the unit next door-also personal trainers but with a more traditional workout regimen.
Three months later which brings us to yesterday, I met the other trainers as they moved into their unit. A couple of nice guys both fit as the butcher's dogs...to borrow a British phrase. They were supposed to move in at the same time as their Crossfit pals but were forced to jump through several hoops. The city (re: permits)ran their credit several times, and demanded several references. After this they were made to play the, hurry up and wait game. The trainer told me that both of their credit ratings were far better than their weight lifter buddy from Crossfit.
The landlord handed the new tenants a legal-document sized and extremely redundant application form that made them jump through more hoops. One of the hoops being, a larger deposit than his Crossfit colleagues. ($900 more). When he looked at his buddy's application he noticed a major difference. It was only one page and contained little more than a signature. Do you know where I'm going folks? You guessed it. It is 2008 and racism is alive and well in America. It makes me wanna holler!

The Crossfit trainers are white. The two new personal trainers are black.

Hear Hillary Roar!

I don't have cable t.v. and because my building lies within some mysterious 'no tech zone' I cannot even receive the basic four channels everyone else does. It has been this way for over two years now and I miss television, not in the slightest. I wanted to spy some of the democratic convention speeches so I headed for Bush's internets, or is it McCain's interwebs? I found Matt Lauer and heard him begin his broadcast with, and I paraphrase, "...Well Hillary and Barack had a brutal battle during the primary it'll be interesting to see if Hillary unites the Party or uses her supporters to...blah,blah,blah and I walked away for fear of tossing my laptop into the pool. Most news stations and talk radio ran with this empty, pathetic pseudo prediction. Which, for the record is not news at all. Anybody who thought that Hillary was going to somehow lash out at Obama and tank the Party is an idiot. Hillary ended up giving a great speech. And I'm here to tell you that I expected nothing less from a woman of her intellect; a woman of her experience as a former first lady and current senator, and a woman who, although she let her ambitions get the best of her during the primaries, has had ample time to reflect and compose. During those primary months I often cursed Hillary for her dirty politics, but I knew that inside lived a decent person and politician. This is why it came as no surprise at all when she gave a dynamite speech. She is a democrat for chrissake. And, she wanted to run the country as a democrat. It would make no sense to throw the Party under the bus. Besides, it was advantageous to 'do right' (or left) by the Party in the hopes of securing a nice cabinet position for herself. Furthermore, if she acted the fool it would have told the remaining 282 million Americans (the other 18 million are her supporters) that they were right not to support her. Can you imagine the field day twin blowhard morons; Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly would have had? Any and all of you who thought she'd go up there and make an ass of herself bought into today's media and you should never do that for we live in a time when the current media is irresponsible, biased, uninformed, lazy, bumbling, bought, and for the most part useless! Please pardon the sugar coating and always try to remember what is said about making assumptions.
And as to Hillary's holdout supporters who feel cheated and continue to whine about losing, you should be happy about one thing. You have received the most media attention in history of any political voting body that has come in second place. Enjoy the accolade ye bitter supporters and rest assured you've been heard. Now please, have a seat and be quiet! And if in November you decide to NOT vote for Obama; know that Hilary who is intelligent will have voted for Obama where as you who are imbecilic will have voted for McCain.

Drink Up Y'all!

Yup, the outgoing Decider in chief has done it again. Not on a huge scale as usual but he's definitely going to be W until he steps aside. When explaining the credit crunch in the U.S. he said, "It (Wall Street) got drunk and now it's got a hangover." Interesting choice of words seeing as during the pre-Decider days O'l W was quite partial to tippin' a few. Ah, recovering is the term for what I believe he is today. I don't fault the guy for having been a little too fond of the grape and if it is true that a writer should write about what he knows then why shouldn't a Decider in cowboy clothes speak about what he knows. I guess I was just thinking that if a guy is looking to rack up legacy points before he blows this pop stand he might have chosen better words. Words that an actual president would use in front of an audience...perhaps.

When Bush gave this little gem of a speech cameras were not allowed and the press was not invited however some guy recorded it with a camera phone or something. These are the times we live in folks; if you are in the public eye somebody is going to tape/record/video the shit you have to say. There is no privacy and that's just the way this administration has wanted it. And for a later blog I believe Obama came down of the funny side of FISA as well so I'll be looking into that and blasting him too if he needs blasting because this brother (me) is an independent until further notice.

Bush also mentioned that Texas is not feeling any housing crunch for Laura was out trying to but a house in Dallas as he spoke. The crowd apparently laughed at the joke. Joke? Wow, I guess when you're the Criminal in Chief the loyal sycophants will laugh at just about anything you say.Laura has supposedly tired of the Crawford ranch. In other words she's tired of W's tough skin jeans, the eight gallon play cowboy hat and his cowboy boot slippers. So let us hope that as the Decider goes clumsily into that dark night that he does not write his memoirs (in crayon or otherwise), and that he does not open a library, I mean come on seriously; and that he gets back on the sauce, puts his feet up at Laura's new home and quietly awaits the indictments to roll in for I have a sneaking suspicion that when Bush comes a cryin', Cheney won't be a answerin'!

Journey Of A Tough Guy

My legs started feeling heavy even before I was within twenty yards of the place. I don't claim to be the action hero type or some kind of wacked out thrill seeking dare devil but where I was headed would chill the spine of tougher men than me. I was now officially past the point of no return. 'Come on Sweet Lou' I tell myself 'just keep moving forward'. And that's just what I did. My hand on the door handle I take a deep breath. I enter. Heads turn; not all but most, and look in my direction. It is as though they look right through me. In the somewhat glory days of yesteryear this would be considered a player's playground, a rogue's romping retreat. My present mind clouds as it journeys back. Back to a time when the lovin' was free, drinks did flow and bad dialogue was handed out like a two bit politician's handshake.
I was yanked from my reverie by the tiny voice of a tiny Asian woman behind a tiny counter.

"Can I help you sir?"

I consider bolting from the joint. Call me a coward I don't care. At least I'll live to see another day. Ah, but who am I trying to kid. I've come this far. I've jumped off of it, smashed through it, and barely slid under it. I can do this. I was ready. I was ready because they said I couldn't do it. The kind lady asks me again if she can help me only this time she smiles. She and a handful of other dames all smiling, on the brink of laughter, some already there at the quiet giggling stage. I put air in my chest to gain size not unlike a puffed up pigeon. I clear my throat. Here goes. Put some bass into it Lou.

"Yes, ah I'd like a pedicure please."

Paparazz-holes

OH boy it seems that there was a bit of a dust up in the high priced celebrity refuge of Malibu Beach Ca. The paparazzi moved into the area in the hopes of capturing a surfing Matt Maconaghey through the business end of their high end telephotos. All was going just fine for the photography roaches until...(cue scary music) a gang of over privileged white platinum spoon fed locals rained on the parade. Look out Bloods and Crips there is new gang in town..well not your town but a town not near you.
But first a little background on the white kids turf. Many celebs dig Malibu for it's beaches, fine homes and to a massive degree the community locks out the shutter bugs. 'We don't want em' here' is the paraphrased message broadcast by this city.

(Please note ,blacks, latinos, white trash or anybody else with an embarrassingly low income need not apply either but that's another blog for someone else.)

But take Pierce Brosnon he and his wife dig Malibu because it is not Rodeo Drive or the Ivy, but apparently he's being investigated for allegedly striking a paparazzo. Let me go out on a limb and say that in this case 'allegedly' means, he did it and good on ya Pierce. Locals say that Pierce is a cool guy until he gets pissed off and then the Irishman comes out. Obviously the camera vultures know this and provoke him for that million dollar shot.
Back to big Mac:
Maconaghey rents a home in Point Dume. He heads out on his surf board. The shutter bugs scramble over the rocks like an advanced case of genital crabs for the money shot. As their expensive gear clicks away a group of local surfers approach and encroach and tell the ZZi's to move it along. No doubt the Photogs invoked what most A-holes do between the borders of Canada and Mexico; "It's a free country." Little did they know that Malibu ain't free at all baby. A fracas breaks out, as it was written in the L.A. Times-nothing like a friggin' fracas I always say-punches and kicks were thrown, high price gear tumbled into the sea or was stolen, curse words; the whole gamut.
Now what is interesting is the next day the papazzoids came back for more and the local ruffians stood their ground once again. I mean hey, when you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way! Another scrap ensued and the usual lawsuits, threats, rights and freedoms speeches blah blah boo hoo.
I'm not sanctimonious Sam over here coming down on the Paparazzi it is just that if you don't understand the concept of occupational hazard then you truly are a prick. Sure you have rights, but if somebody gets pissed about the job you are doing we as a society may not enforce your right to annoy. Sorry bub. Sometimes the meter maid gets told to F-off, the dog catcher gets bitten, and the bathroom attendant gets ignored (its creepy after all.) Listen up Papara-dummies you've chosen this profession for the four figures it pays when you catch Paris Hilton crying on her way to jail. But occasionally you get a face slap and a Nikon tossed into the drink; deal with it or take a walk sunshine because me and Malibu's Caucasian connection ain't about to bust out crying!

Character Is The Only Thing!!!

This is a great day in history even for those of you who do not support Barack Obama. For those unimpressed or unmoved by what Obama's nomination means I urge you to look to the world. The general consensus from legitimate countries is a huge thumbs up. Do not kid yourselves America most of the world is older than this place and this world has a long memory. A country with a history of being built on the slave's back is a history that has not vanished from onlookers' minds. This is a positive achievement no matter where you come down on the issue of racism. The sad part of the argument I struggle to make is that many Americans don't know or care what the rest of the world thinks. When Bush attempted to circle the world's wagons he found many takers with the Afghanistan campaign but Iraq; not so much. The coalition of the willing was not all that thrilling. We are not popular is what I'm getting at. Some of you still don't care but I bet the hairs on the back of your neck have risen at least a tad in that the outside world scrambles no more for your once almighty dollar.
But let me meander back to Barack. The first thing he declared was that the entire democratic party put a kibosh on accepting funds from lobbyists or any and all political action committees-a policy he adhered to during his campaign. That is definitely a plus in the integrity column. Today he ventured to Diane Feinstein's home to sit down with her and Hillary. (A plus in the class column as HE made the overture to pow wow with her). She who would not concede when all the world was at her stage. She did a fine job of making her speech and the moment about her but left even some of her supporters, well shocked. Now the 64,000 dollar question. Does Obama take her for a running mate? This blogger says hell no and maybe not for the reasons you might think. I am a registered independent and always will be. I cast my vote on what I call the integrity ticket. Obama has shown massive integrity thus far. Hillary on the other hand has been an abomination. The manner in which she ran this campaign has been mean spirited and adolescent, infantile in fact. She lied, was petty, and was just down right low down. Examples? She lied about the Bosnian sniper fire she endured, she took her sweet time distancing herself from Geraldine Ferraro, all while having far less headlines than did Obama re: Rev Wright, She had a high up staff member leak a complete busllshit story to the Canadian PM re:Obama and Nafta, she put her name on the Michigan ticket when all participants agreed not to and so on. Feel free to add your own input in this cocktail of bad behaviors. And what does she do at the finish line? She decides not to acknowledge the other runner's victory even though he is over the friggin' finish line. Some say it was a ploy to use her supporters as leverage for VP. Probably so, but either way I'm the integrity dude and Hillary in the last few months has shown that she possesses no integrity.
If you're considering calling me a hater don't bother because when this contest began I was a Hillary SUPPORTER. She has shown her true colors. She has given us a glimpse of how she would have run this country. And just settle down all of you knee jerk hussies who continue to say how amazing she is and how she'd do great things for medicare. Analogy: If I punch you in the face today will you vote for me tomorrow just because in the past I was hip to medicare reform or can you not get past the fact I just punched you in the face? I'm afraid we're talking about a different Hillary people. This one suffers from delusions of gross entitlement mixed with actual elitism and is hitched to a shady former President who has completely come off the rails. But it was simple. Behave decently, stand by your words and show me your character for character is everything. Character is the only thing and that is why I back Barack! And if Barack becomes President and does a poor job and doesn't stand by his vision then I will be his harshest critic. That is the advantage of being an independent; I am beholden to none. And my vote is not for sale but you DO have to earn it! Be I blowhardy? Too damn bad. Who am I you ask? I'm the integrity dude. Believe it!