Cheese and crackers and cupcakes too what happened to jolly old Mit
All that cash and no panache he just done up and quit
Or is it all good, all good in the hood 'cause McCain's gonna drive that train.
Or is it true what Rush doth say-that McCain is quite insane?
Hilary, she's hip and all but she's not the one for me
Husband Bill what's up with you? and all the tomfoolery?
Edwards seemed like a decent guy but now he's outta the pool
He ain't endorsin' me or you but hey man ah that's cool
It's a hell of a race, it's a hell of a chase but not for Guilliani
And Huckabee who's out of his tree ain't got nothin' to do with me
I'll load many beers on high, high pallets
while you go out and count the ballots
And when the smoke clears, I'll have celebratory beers when the President is Barack Obama
Thursday, February 7, 2008
More Telemarketer Jazz
Here is another couple of calls I received in the lovely world of telemarketry. I'll play the part of Sweet Lou and the telemarketers will be TM:
SL: Hello
TM: Good evening who am I speaking to please?
SL: Do you mean to tell me you sat down and dialed my number with an area code and everything and you have to ask me who you called? Baby you're not off to a good start.
And that was it she hung up on me, as if I annoyed her.
Call #2
SL: Hello?
TM: Hi is SL there please.
SL: Oh yeah sure hang on a minute please.
I then put the phone down for 15 seconds.
SL: Hi I'm sorry who are you holding for?
TM: SL
SL: Oh yeah sure I just saw him, hang on
Another 15 seconds
SL: Sorry about that who can I say is calling?
TM: It's TM insurance
SL: Oh he was talking about that today, hang on I'll get him.
Another 15 seconds
SL: Hi this is SL who's calling?
(I could tell he knew something was up because I didn't alter my voice at all)
TM: I'm calling on behalf of TM insurance and-
SL: Oh no thanks dude I'm totally not interested in that, and I'm shocked you called.
Click
Call #3
SL: Hello?
TM: Hi I'm Bob with TM insurance do you currently have life insurance?
SL: Bob you say with TM insurance?
TM: That's right
SL: How can I be sure? I've been scammed before ya know
TM: Sir I assure you that this is not a scam
SL: Dude I don't know. What city are you calling from?
TM: I can't give you that information sir, sorry
SL: How about your last name
TM: Sorry I can't--"
SL: Ya see, how can I know for sure that--"
TM: Sir, you'll find that our procedures are the same as any other company
SL: That's what the last telemarketing guy said and it was a scam
TM: Sir I can assure you that we are a legitimate company
SL: Okay I'll chance it, what are you selling today
TM: Well sir I was wondering if you have a life insurance policy?
SL: Oh yeah sure, and I've got a sweet deal to, but thanks for calling pal
Click
SL: Hello
TM: Good evening who am I speaking to please?
SL: Do you mean to tell me you sat down and dialed my number with an area code and everything and you have to ask me who you called? Baby you're not off to a good start.
And that was it she hung up on me, as if I annoyed her.
Call #2
SL: Hello?
TM: Hi is SL there please.
SL: Oh yeah sure hang on a minute please.
I then put the phone down for 15 seconds.
SL: Hi I'm sorry who are you holding for?
TM: SL
SL: Oh yeah sure I just saw him, hang on
Another 15 seconds
SL: Sorry about that who can I say is calling?
TM: It's TM insurance
SL: Oh he was talking about that today, hang on I'll get him.
Another 15 seconds
SL: Hi this is SL who's calling?
(I could tell he knew something was up because I didn't alter my voice at all)
TM: I'm calling on behalf of TM insurance and-
SL: Oh no thanks dude I'm totally not interested in that, and I'm shocked you called.
Click
Call #3
SL: Hello?
TM: Hi I'm Bob with TM insurance do you currently have life insurance?
SL: Bob you say with TM insurance?
TM: That's right
SL: How can I be sure? I've been scammed before ya know
TM: Sir I assure you that this is not a scam
SL: Dude I don't know. What city are you calling from?
TM: I can't give you that information sir, sorry
SL: How about your last name
TM: Sorry I can't--"
SL: Ya see, how can I know for sure that--"
TM: Sir, you'll find that our procedures are the same as any other company
SL: That's what the last telemarketing guy said and it was a scam
TM: Sir I can assure you that we are a legitimate company
SL: Okay I'll chance it, what are you selling today
TM: Well sir I was wondering if you have a life insurance policy?
SL: Oh yeah sure, and I've got a sweet deal to, but thanks for calling pal
Click
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Any Giant Sunday!
Oh yes and what a beautiful Sunday it turned out to be. The nation predicted, nay prognosticated, nay guaranteed us that Tom Brady would lead his Pats to yet another victory. We heard ad nauseam that super bowl Sunday would in fact be "just another game..." for the Pats. Well all you Patriotic Blowhards are going to have to find another topic to blow hard about...oh and uh, try and be accurate this time would ya.
We were blissfully reminded of the beauty of football in that anything can happen on any given Sunday. And this Sunday belonged to the Giants' defense. What a scene, what a scene to witness the Giants awesome front four rumble left, right, center and over the patriots O-line and backs. Brady was rushed, hurried, knocked down and sacked to the point that it was more beautiful than a Botticelli painting. The sound of giant helmet bashing patriot helmet sounded sweeter than a harmony belted out by the Three Tenors on their best day. If you are still cloudy as to where my allegiance lies then let me be crystal clear: I back teams other than that of the cheating Pats. The Pats that were busted twice in one season for spying on other teams in the hopes that they would learn of their plays. Oh, but how the old childhood adage of "cheaters never prosper." rings like a thousand church bells.
From the opening kick off this game was physical to say the least. Helmets and pads crashed; players were slow to get up; and blood, sweat and Patriot tears flowed to the turf floor. This gridiron game was a throwback to the days of their gladiator ancestors. Never before has there been an example of defense winning a game to the point of sheer domination. The deer in the headlights look on Brady's countenance was nothing short of euphoric on a monumental scale. And now we continue on in our daily lives uplifted; a new energy to our outlook; a bounce in our step and a look in our eyes that says, "bring it on world for I am ready for thee!" And until next season we enjoy a life where we hear not of Patriots, Brady's, and perfect seasons. Instead we hear of a perfect defensive Super Bowl Sunday that was Super Bowl XLII!!!
We were blissfully reminded of the beauty of football in that anything can happen on any given Sunday. And this Sunday belonged to the Giants' defense. What a scene, what a scene to witness the Giants awesome front four rumble left, right, center and over the patriots O-line and backs. Brady was rushed, hurried, knocked down and sacked to the point that it was more beautiful than a Botticelli painting. The sound of giant helmet bashing patriot helmet sounded sweeter than a harmony belted out by the Three Tenors on their best day. If you are still cloudy as to where my allegiance lies then let me be crystal clear: I back teams other than that of the cheating Pats. The Pats that were busted twice in one season for spying on other teams in the hopes that they would learn of their plays. Oh, but how the old childhood adage of "cheaters never prosper." rings like a thousand church bells.
From the opening kick off this game was physical to say the least. Helmets and pads crashed; players were slow to get up; and blood, sweat and Patriot tears flowed to the turf floor. This gridiron game was a throwback to the days of their gladiator ancestors. Never before has there been an example of defense winning a game to the point of sheer domination. The deer in the headlights look on Brady's countenance was nothing short of euphoric on a monumental scale. And now we continue on in our daily lives uplifted; a new energy to our outlook; a bounce in our step and a look in our eyes that says, "bring it on world for I am ready for thee!" And until next season we enjoy a life where we hear not of Patriots, Brady's, and perfect seasons. Instead we hear of a perfect defensive Super Bowl Sunday that was Super Bowl XLII!!!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
United We Stand...in Patheticism
Once again I couldn't make it all of the way through the President's State of the Union address. As with other addresses he was talking loud and sayin' nothin' all to far too much applause. This is a practice that has got to stop regardless of who is running the show. The pep rally dog and pony show atmosphere is beyond nauseating.
When I heard the Commander in disbelief...I mean Chief talk of his $150 billion dollar economic stimulus package I gently turned off the radio with a mild expletive. Don't get me wrong I'm not laying all of this on the pseudo Texan's shoulders I'm pointing my guns at congress and most of my fellow and feline Americans as well. Does anyone care where this money is coming from? I have a few guesses. How about China, hell we're already into them for 1.4 trillion so what's a few more billion? Or maybe the big Kahuna is just going to print more dough and have the fed play with the rate again, that will make the dollar stronger for sure...NOT! One thing for sure is that this money will go to the deficit, which is to say the minus side, which is to say we have to pay it back. So when we get these rebates to beef up spending we'll have to pay it back but not the way you might think; they will just be forced to cut some kind of service here or there to pay it down... but we can be sure that 'you know who' won't be taxed right. I say I don't blame the President entirely because many Democrats are keeping quiet-hell some are even applauding this move. My short memory takes me to the sub-prime fiasco where lenders loaned to those that should not have borrowed. The quiet dems are gambling that if the stimulus works then they won't be on the record as trying to put the kibosh on the deal. Boy this reminds me of all of those democrats that agreed to go to war in Iraq for fear of going against popular opinion. (You see they chose going against logic, humanity and human decency for the possible promise of tomorrow's votes.) In a word;pathetic.
And wait, wait,wait I am not through with you dems of congress; you that vowed to do good have; okay'd, green lighted and rubber stamped every penny that Bush came to you for to fund his illegal war. Did you honestly not know what the fiscal cost would be or the cost of human lives.(Last I heard 4000 Americans, around 85 thousand Iraqis). Were your hands really tied? I think not. Were you laying in wait until you might win the next election and clean house then? Well if so it's a gutless nonproductive strategy that displays a major lack of bollix, stones, cajones, juevos...balls!
But is there any surprise that Bush has blown as much money as he has and tanked this economy? We all know how he failed at business venture after business venture during the days when his daddy was sat in the oval office. Now how hard would that be? Your pop is the President; he has major friends and connections in the highest of places and you've got unlimited amounts of start up cash. Yet, Arbusto et al went the way of the do do bird because the little decider (small 'd' in those days) made countless bone head business decisions.
And so here we are today; almost a trillion and a half bucks into China who is possibly looking to dump the treasury bonds in Euro's; social security cash-gone; U.S. dollar-malnourished and so much more. The war machine; Halliburton, Lockheed Martin are making record profits in rebuilding etc contracts. Bectel as well because the beauty of bombing the sh** out of a country and their communication system is you get big bucks (okay'd by congress) to rebuild it for them. Rumsfeld and Cheney are making a killing financially. (Rumsfeld refused to give up major amounts of stocks while he held his government position. More than likely illegal but did any democrat seriously go after him? Ah well, no) And the oil companies are showing record profits...as if you didn't already know. So ask yourselves this; do you think this administration, especially while being on its way out really cares what it does to this economy? They have their Saudi friends and now they have their massive military base atop the soil of the third largest oil producing country in the world. This is easy math people. Admit to your self centered simplistic outlook; admit to your apathy and stand tall in your malignant sea of patheticism!
When I heard the Commander in disbelief...I mean Chief talk of his $150 billion dollar economic stimulus package I gently turned off the radio with a mild expletive. Don't get me wrong I'm not laying all of this on the pseudo Texan's shoulders I'm pointing my guns at congress and most of my fellow and feline Americans as well. Does anyone care where this money is coming from? I have a few guesses. How about China, hell we're already into them for 1.4 trillion so what's a few more billion? Or maybe the big Kahuna is just going to print more dough and have the fed play with the rate again, that will make the dollar stronger for sure...NOT! One thing for sure is that this money will go to the deficit, which is to say the minus side, which is to say we have to pay it back. So when we get these rebates to beef up spending we'll have to pay it back but not the way you might think; they will just be forced to cut some kind of service here or there to pay it down... but we can be sure that 'you know who' won't be taxed right. I say I don't blame the President entirely because many Democrats are keeping quiet-hell some are even applauding this move. My short memory takes me to the sub-prime fiasco where lenders loaned to those that should not have borrowed. The quiet dems are gambling that if the stimulus works then they won't be on the record as trying to put the kibosh on the deal. Boy this reminds me of all of those democrats that agreed to go to war in Iraq for fear of going against popular opinion. (You see they chose going against logic, humanity and human decency for the possible promise of tomorrow's votes.) In a word;pathetic.
And wait, wait,wait I am not through with you dems of congress; you that vowed to do good have; okay'd, green lighted and rubber stamped every penny that Bush came to you for to fund his illegal war. Did you honestly not know what the fiscal cost would be or the cost of human lives.(Last I heard 4000 Americans, around 85 thousand Iraqis). Were your hands really tied? I think not. Were you laying in wait until you might win the next election and clean house then? Well if so it's a gutless nonproductive strategy that displays a major lack of bollix, stones, cajones, juevos...balls!
But is there any surprise that Bush has blown as much money as he has and tanked this economy? We all know how he failed at business venture after business venture during the days when his daddy was sat in the oval office. Now how hard would that be? Your pop is the President; he has major friends and connections in the highest of places and you've got unlimited amounts of start up cash. Yet, Arbusto et al went the way of the do do bird because the little decider (small 'd' in those days) made countless bone head business decisions.
And so here we are today; almost a trillion and a half bucks into China who is possibly looking to dump the treasury bonds in Euro's; social security cash-gone; U.S. dollar-malnourished and so much more. The war machine; Halliburton, Lockheed Martin are making record profits in rebuilding etc contracts. Bectel as well because the beauty of bombing the sh** out of a country and their communication system is you get big bucks (okay'd by congress) to rebuild it for them. Rumsfeld and Cheney are making a killing financially. (Rumsfeld refused to give up major amounts of stocks while he held his government position. More than likely illegal but did any democrat seriously go after him? Ah well, no) And the oil companies are showing record profits...as if you didn't already know. So ask yourselves this; do you think this administration, especially while being on its way out really cares what it does to this economy? They have their Saudi friends and now they have their massive military base atop the soil of the third largest oil producing country in the world. This is easy math people. Admit to your self centered simplistic outlook; admit to your apathy and stand tall in your malignant sea of patheticism!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
No Country for No Ending
Okay if you haven't already seen, No Country for Old Men then don't read this rant. I'm sorry but Hollywood film makers need to go back to school and relearn how to end a frickin' movie. No Country... was on track to being one of the best movies in decades in fact it would have taken up a spot in my top 5 fave flicks. For two to two and a half acts it moved along like an unstoppable locomotive of action, story and so on. But then Joel and Ethan decided to slowly choke the life and momentum out of the story.
Josh Brolin's character; the one we are rooting for gets capped. Fine, no problem but we don't get to see his demise. No going out in a blaze of glory, no accident, no suicide nothing. Instead we get Tommy Lee Jones showing up after it was all over. DUMB film choice; not showing (us)the viewer what the f$#@ happened. Woody Harrelson returns to the screen. Decent actor,likable. His character is a cocky bounty hunter type dude. We are baited into a eagerly awaiting the meeting of Woody and Crazy killer. Will Woody be able to put his money where his mouth is? Deep down inside we know he's going to bite it but at least we'll get good gun play or maybe another sadistic scene because we already know by this time that Javier Bardem's psychopath is well...totally psycho. So what happens? Woody walks up a staircase and the villain walks up behind him-game over. Oh boy hold the suspense phone until I get my heart pills I can't take it anymore. Why even have Woody in the movie? Hmm, couldn't tell you. Now then, getting to Tommy Lee, we have a sheriff who is obviously smarter than he looks, he's interesting a tad comical and more importantly he's a good investigator. Chances are he'll get the bad guy or at least go down in a shoot out with our villain. WRONG! Our fearless good guy follows the trail of the killer only to...retire at the end of the film. Instead of any form of action the sheriff goes out with what is meant to be a deep and moving monologue. The bad guy gets away fine, no big deal but it takes the longest slumbering 45 minutes to witness the dragged out demise of a potentially great movie.
The scuttlebutt is that the brothers Cohen stuck to the book ending. Thank god I didn't labor through the boring wordy papyrus of the book's ending. Hollywood ending 101: Move the movie along. Have a beginning a middle and a definitive ENDING!
And now we are at the end of this blog entry. There will be no more words which is to say goodbye but what is an ending to a blog anyway? Is one man's blog ending another man's blog entry. If I stop typing is that truly the end. OH NO! I've fallen into the dragged out ending, ending trap. Blast, I have become what I despise.
Bye for now...there will be a sequel to this blog entry by the way.
Josh Brolin's character; the one we are rooting for gets capped. Fine, no problem but we don't get to see his demise. No going out in a blaze of glory, no accident, no suicide nothing. Instead we get Tommy Lee Jones showing up after it was all over. DUMB film choice; not showing (us)the viewer what the f$#@ happened. Woody Harrelson returns to the screen. Decent actor,likable. His character is a cocky bounty hunter type dude. We are baited into a eagerly awaiting the meeting of Woody and Crazy killer. Will Woody be able to put his money where his mouth is? Deep down inside we know he's going to bite it but at least we'll get good gun play or maybe another sadistic scene because we already know by this time that Javier Bardem's psychopath is well...totally psycho. So what happens? Woody walks up a staircase and the villain walks up behind him-game over. Oh boy hold the suspense phone until I get my heart pills I can't take it anymore. Why even have Woody in the movie? Hmm, couldn't tell you. Now then, getting to Tommy Lee, we have a sheriff who is obviously smarter than he looks, he's interesting a tad comical and more importantly he's a good investigator. Chances are he'll get the bad guy or at least go down in a shoot out with our villain. WRONG! Our fearless good guy follows the trail of the killer only to...retire at the end of the film. Instead of any form of action the sheriff goes out with what is meant to be a deep and moving monologue. The bad guy gets away fine, no big deal but it takes the longest slumbering 45 minutes to witness the dragged out demise of a potentially great movie.
The scuttlebutt is that the brothers Cohen stuck to the book ending. Thank god I didn't labor through the boring wordy papyrus of the book's ending. Hollywood ending 101: Move the movie along. Have a beginning a middle and a definitive ENDING!
And now we are at the end of this blog entry. There will be no more words which is to say goodbye but what is an ending to a blog anyway? Is one man's blog ending another man's blog entry. If I stop typing is that truly the end. OH NO! I've fallen into the dragged out ending, ending trap. Blast, I have become what I despise.
Bye for now...there will be a sequel to this blog entry by the way.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Election Buzz
Okay so I'm listening to a talk radio show and they play a clip from Tyra Banks interview of Hilary Clinton. Tyra reads a question from an emailer I think, "How did you manage the Monica Lewinsky ordeal?" And Hilary's answer was, "You just have to be true to yourself." That's it Hilly baby? That's the best you can do? We all know that your response is a non-answer but baby, you want to run this country! Shouldn't you be a little more say, savvy? "...true to yourself" is high school teen movie talk. And don't act like you were ambushed because we all know that you and every other celebridiots forward suitable questions to these shows prior.
And what is it with this trend of politicians going on these empty talk shows? What happened to cats like Ed Murrough and Cronkite? We find ourselves in a time where the hardest hitting, sleeves rolled up interviewer is Larry "past it' King. I'm sure the networks get ratings and the politicians get exposure but come on man. When I run for President of this country you won't find me on Leno and Letterman and silly little Tyra no way!...Well not until I'm past my first 90 days as the new president...I mean 'New Decider' at which time I will be totally true to myself
And what is it with this trend of politicians going on these empty talk shows? What happened to cats like Ed Murrough and Cronkite? We find ourselves in a time where the hardest hitting, sleeves rolled up interviewer is Larry "past it' King. I'm sure the networks get ratings and the politicians get exposure but come on man. When I run for President of this country you won't find me on Leno and Letterman and silly little Tyra no way!...Well not until I'm past my first 90 days as the new president...I mean 'New Decider' at which time I will be totally true to myself
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Telemarketers Beware
The Following is some fun I had with a telemarketer that tried to sell this brother some insurance...she picked the wrong dude.
"Hello My name is Angela and I'm calling from Hollywood Extra Insurance and today I'd like-"
"What's that? Hollywood park Casino? Aw man I love that place!"
"No sir I'm calling from-"
"Man you guys took me for 60 bucks last time. You had some sweet waitresses though. Does Tammy still work there?"
"Sir, please I am not from a casino I'm from Hollywood Extra Insurance and I'd like to tell you about a promotion we're-"
"Ah never mind that baby. Hey is Scooby still dealing cards down there? He's one cool cat. He-"
"Sir, if you would please let me speak."
"Sorry doll, go ahead."
"I'm calling about insurance. Today we're having a special promotion and-"
"What this aint the casino?"
"No, sir I've been trying to tell you of our promotion."
"Okay, sorry go ahead."
"Thank you. We have a special promotion which would benefit-"
"No thanks baby I ain't interested."
'click!'
"Hello My name is Angela and I'm calling from Hollywood Extra Insurance and today I'd like-"
"What's that? Hollywood park Casino? Aw man I love that place!"
"No sir I'm calling from-"
"Man you guys took me for 60 bucks last time. You had some sweet waitresses though. Does Tammy still work there?"
"Sir, please I am not from a casino I'm from Hollywood Extra Insurance and I'd like to tell you about a promotion we're-"
"Ah never mind that baby. Hey is Scooby still dealing cards down there? He's one cool cat. He-"
"Sir, if you would please let me speak."
"Sorry doll, go ahead."
"I'm calling about insurance. Today we're having a special promotion and-"
"What this aint the casino?"
"No, sir I've been trying to tell you of our promotion."
"Okay, sorry go ahead."
"Thank you. We have a special promotion which would benefit-"
"No thanks baby I ain't interested."
'click!'
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